The Evolution of Spencer
by AshleighDeVoe2014
Summary: Okay this is just a fun little idea I had while writing my All In story. I am following Spencer (and the rest of the team) throughout their entire journey throughout the show. Dealing obviously more with their personal lives. This means I will be starting this at the very beginning. S01xE01.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

I get up and go about my normal routine until my phone buzzes. Oh! It's Spencer. Asking if I can meet for coffee.

"Sure. Usual place?" I text back and go into my closet to change. My phone buzzes again but this time he's calling me so I answer it.

"Hey I was thinking maybe we could switch it up and go for a walk?"

"Where?"

"Lincoln Park? Half an hour?"

"Okay sounds good."

"Actually...you live over by there right?"

"Yeah..."

"Could I maybe...pick you up?" He sounds tentative and cautious asking me this.

"Yeah...that works. I'll text you my address."

"Okay...cool. Be there in half an hour."

"Okay bye."

"Bye."

...

Exactly thirty minutes later there's a soft knock at my door. I open the door and smile up at him.

"Good morning."

"Good morning to you. You ready?"

"Yeah let's go." I take his hand and he gives mine a little squeeze before running his thumb along the back of my hand.

"So why the change in scenery?"

"Well I was recalled. I have to meet the team in a couple of hours."

"Oh...where are you going?"

"Seattle. I'm not sure how long we will be gone."

"Oh."

"I don't want to talk about work."

"Okay...what do you want to talk about then?"

"Umm, us?"

"What about us?"

"Well...we've been seeing each other for a while and I was just thinking...wondering...do you think we're exclusive?"

"Do you?"

"Do you want to be?"

"I'll tell you now, I haven't even looked at another man."

"Neither have I. I mean! I mean I haven't even looked at another woman! Not man! I mean I haven't looked at men either I-"

"Spencer, I understand."

"Oh, good." He relaxes beside me and I sigh with relief. When we get to the coffee shop he orders for me. For some reason this makes me blush. My room mate told me that it's weird that I haven't met his whole team yet. I don't think so though. I have met his supervisor and his wife briefly. We ran into them at a restaurant once. They seem nice enough. We walk for a while and I can sense that he's nervous.

"Spencer, is something wrong?"

"It's just, when I'm with you I feel weird. Good weird. Almost sick but not in a bad way. I just..."

"I'm confused."

"I just want you to know that you're special to me."

"You're special to me too." I smile at him and he does something completely unexpected, he hugs me. We've been hugging from the side for a month but this is the first time he's pulled me close to him. He puts his nose in my hair and I smile, snuggling into his chest. When we get back to my door we both stand there awkwardly.

"So, are you off to work?"

"Yeah. Talk tonight?"

"Sure." I smile at him and hug him again before he turns to leave.

...

I go to class and go about my day as normal. When I get out of the shower my phone buzzes right on time.

'Hope you had a good day. I should be able to call in about an hour.' I grin and text him back.

'I had a great start to my day, boring middle, and now it is looking up.'

...

Chelsea comes through the door around midnight. I'm up studying.

"Hey there home body. Talk to your genius?"

"Yeah. We went out for coffee this morning before he left."

"Where are they?"

"Seattle. He hugged me today. Like full frontal hugged me. For a whole minute."

"I think this whole aversion to touch is kind of circumstantial don't you? I mean have you guys talked about it? If he wanted to move slow why can't he just tell you?"

"You've never even met him," I roll my eyes.

"Yeah but you've told me enough." She laughs and saunters into the kitchen. "Ashleigh and Spencer sitting in a tree. H-u-g-g-I-n-g."

"Haha. Very funny. Hey can you proofread for me?"

"Sure...lay it on me."

**Okay everyone please review! I am going to do this story from the very beginning. So this chapter is the first episode and so on unless I clarify! Please review and let me know what you think! Every review will get a shoutout in the next chapter! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two **

**Okay this takes place S01xE06. Please review! **

I pace back and forth, I never really thought I'd get this nervous. Granted, I've never been in this situation before either. Spencer said he would call me after they left the hospital and that was over an hour ago. Now I'm seeing on the national news that there were hostages taken in an emergency room in Illinois. Along with at least two federal agents. Now I'm freaked out. He's in there with no gun. Shots fired. Oh no no no. I sit on the edge of the couch and I'm glued to the TV. Chelsea comes in and sees the strained look on my face.

"Hey Ash. You okay? What's going on?"

"Spencer...he said he was going to a hospital and he would call me afterward and I haven't heard from him since and now two federal agents and an emergency room full of people are being held hostage and there were just shots fired."

"I thought you said he couldn't carry a gun? Would they send him out without one?"

"Absolutely they would send him to a hospital! That should be as low risk as it gets!"

"Honey calm down I'm sure he's okay." She sits next to me on the couch for over an hour before my phone rings.

"Spencer." I breathe I sigh of relief into the phone. "Are you okay? Were you in there?"

"Yes I'm okay. Yes I was in there. I'm okay I promise. We're coming home. It will be late but I'll text you when we land."

"Come over," I blurt out before I can stop myself.

"What?"

"Come over."

"Are...are you sure?"

"Yes. Please? I'll get rid of Chelsea."

"Okay. I'll call you when we land."

"See you soon."

...

There's a soft tap on my door and I let him in. His tie is undone but other than that he looks the same as always.

"Hey."

"Hey." I look at him and tentatively wrap my arms around his waist. After a second, he returns my hug and we just stand in the doorway. After a few minutes I lead him to the couch and I almost jump when he puts his arm around me and pulls me to lean on his chest. It just surprises me.

"You okay?" His voice is low and he looks down at me through tired eyes.

"Yeah. Just got spooked."

"Is that why you asked me to come over?"

"I wanted to make sure you were okay..."

"I am. Don't worry."

"What happened?"

"Hotch and I went down to the ER and it all just happened so fast. He took hostages and took Hotch's gun. I thought we were screwed. Then Hotch moved the other hostages out of the line of fire and I remembered he carried a gun on his ankle. Long story short he came up with a way to give it to me and I shot him."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah...yeah I'm fine. I think. I don't know. I'll have to get back to you on that one." He takes my hand in his free one and plays with my fingers. "So what's good on tv?"

"Let's see..." I flip through the channels before landing on old reruns of The Andy Griffith show and he shrugs. We lay in silence and I listen to his heartbeat. I hear Chelsea come into the kitchen but thankfully she makes herself scarce and scurries back to her room. After a while he seems to unthaw more and traces his fingers up and down my spine.

...

I wake up and I am completely on top of him. I jump up which in turn startles him awake.

"Ashleigh? You okay?"

"Yeah. I uhh...we fell asleep."

"I know."

"Oh...you're okay with this? I just didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

"I'm good. Promise." He smiles at me and goes to get up off of the couch.

"Bathroom?"

"Last door on the left."

"Thanks." He saunters off and I hear Chelsea clear her throats from the kitchen.

"How long have you been there?"

"Long enough. Did you know he snores?"

"Whatever," I laugh.

"So what are you two love birds doing today?"

"I'm sure he has to go back to work."

...

I was right. But either way I had school and work today too. We did go out for breakfast though. And after some convincing he let me take him to work. I had time. Two extra hours. And it's not like I was going to go home and take a nap or anything so I talked him into it. He's covering his shirt from yesterday with a sweater from his go bag and I laugh at him trying to smooth his hair down in the car.

"You know, you could have used a brush."

"That's kinda weird, dontcha think? Using my girlfriends hair brush?"

"I don't think so." I pull up to the BAU and he lets go of my hand. The next ten seconds are in slow motion. He puts his hand on my back and kisses my cheek.

"Call you later. Thanks for the ride." I smile and reciprocate.

"No problem."


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you to ahowell1993 and WritingHealstheHeart for reviewing! Every review will get a shoutout in each chapter so don't forget! **

**Chapter 3**

*REID POV*

I roll my eyes at Morgan while he sits in front of me, for once, speechless. We're just finishing up a case in DC and when I asked Ashleigh about seeing her tonight, she suggested my place. This has sent me into a silent panic.

"You told her that she makes you feel sick?"

"I didn't mean it like that!"

"Oh naw man. What did she say?"

"She was taken aback for a minute but then she realized what I was trying to say."

"I guess no harm no foul. You seeing her tonight?"

"Yeah she's coming over tonight."

"Get it."

"Okay, no. I haven't even kissed her yet. Well I have. But not really. Kind of. I don't wanna go into it."

"Okay what's the problem? I can tell something is bugging you."

"Like, the other night, I went to see her when we got back from Illinois. She fell asleep on me and I ended up just laying back and falling asleep too. What if she wants to, I don't know, actually spend the night? Like for real? Not accidentally?"

"Then let her." He gives me a 'duh' look and I shake my head.

"I just don't want her to feel like I expect anything. I really don't expect anything to happen."

"Make her some tea, watch some tv, and go with the flow. Just don't plan it out. Fly by the seat of your pants and let it unravel naturally."

"That's good advice..."

"I know."

...

*ASHLEIGH POV*

I pull up to Spencer's apartment and I'll admit I'm pretty nervous. I wonder if this is how he felt? He opens the door the second time I knock and smiles down at me.

"Hey Ash."

"Hey yourself. Can I come in?"

"Oh. Yeah. Sorry." He laughs nervously and leads me over to sit on his couch.

"So how did the case go?"

"Pretty good. How was your day?"

"Good. So umm, what do you wanna do? Watch tv?"

"Uh, yeah. That's good." We sit in silence for a while before the thought hits me.

"When did you eat last Spencer?"

"Yesterday I think. Why?"

"Come on let's go feed you."

...

When we get back to his apartment there's kind of a moment of awkward silence before he just starts rambling.

"You can spend the night if you want to. I mean you don't have to. But I want you to. But if you don't want to that's okay too."

"I want to." I put my hand on his face and kiss his cheek.

"Oh. Good."

"You ready for bed?"

"Um yeah, actually."

"Do you have any sweats I could maybe borrow?"

"Sure." His voice rises half an octave and he blushes as I follow him into the bedroom. He gets into a drawer and hands me a pair of sweat pants.

"Bathroom?"

"Oh, sorry. Right over there." He points to a door and I go in and change, taking my time to give him enough time to change himself. When I come out holding my clothes and wearing just a camisole and his sweat pants I see him Blanche slightly.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah I'm fine." He lays down in the bed and I curl up beside him, tracing little circles on his chest.

"I just didn't realize how fuzzy I would feel seeing you in my clothes."

"Good?"

"Definitely good. So, there was something I wanted to talk to you about."

"What's that?"

"I'm thinking about getting tested. I don't know where this aversion to touch came from but honestly, I'm sick of it. I want to be able to kiss and hug and touch you like a normal person without freaking out."

"Spencer, you don't have to worry. I'm not going anywhere. If you want to get tested then fine. But don't do it on my account."

"You're kinda perfect, you know?"

"You are too. Goodnight."

"Goodnight. Sweet dreams." He kisses the top of my head and I smile to myself.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you to lolyncut for reviewing! **

**Chapter Four **

Fear courses through my veins as I push my way through the crowd of onlookers and press. I push against the barrier but I am nudged back by a police officer.

"Hey! Tape says do not cross!"

"The FBI is in there!"

"Which is another damn good reason why you can't be!"

"But my-" I'm cut off with a stern look as the man walks away from me. I relent and scan the scene for any sign of Spencer. I can't reach him on his cell. He's probably not even here. There are other teams in the BAU. I just need to be sure. That's when I see him. He's under a tent and he's surrounded by his team. I can't tell what they're even doing. A dark skinned man is strapping a Kevlar vest to him and they all look solemn. When he starts to walk towards the train it clicks and before I even realize what I'm doing, I'm jumping over the barrier and running toward him.

"Spencer no! Don't go in there!" Next thing I know, the same man, Morgan I think, is grabbing me by the waist. I kick and thrash but he just tighten his hold on me.

"Let me go! You can't let him go in there!"

"Who is that get her out of here." An older man is storming toward us but Spencer is already inside.

"I'm his girlfriend now let me go!" I scream and all of the sudden, Morgan drops me but he keeps a firm grip on my arm.

"What? How did you even get here?"

"I'm visiting family about an hour away. I saw it ok the news, couldn't get ahold of Spencer and decided to come and see if he was here."

"You shouldn't be here. It's too dangerous."

"I'm not leaving." I cross my arms over my chest.

"Fine, come with us." They take me into another tent where there are other people sitting around waiting.

"Who-"

"They were in the other cars and managed to evacuate."

"Oh."

"You can stay here until he comes out. But ONLY until he comes out."

"Thank you."

...

My eyes snap toward the train when I hear gunshots. There is a blonde woman who comes running into the tent and won't let me out. She turns and closes the entrance so nobody can see out or in.

"You have to stay here. It's way to dangerous." She pulls me back down and sits beside me. "Talk to me. Keep your mind busy." I talk to the woman who I learn is named JJ for about thirty minutes before the entrance to the tent is thrown back open and Spencer is rushing to my side. He throws his arms around me and before I can stop myself, I kiss him. I am so consumed with relief that I can't help myself. He freezes for a moment and then tentatively returns the kiss. As we kiss, tears run down my cheeks. We pull away breathless and I look around. Everyone is gone. Of course they left as soon as they were allowed to.

"Hey now. No tears. I'm fine. I swear."

"I thought...I thought."

"I know. I'm okay I promise. Come on, I'm going to see if they need anything and then I'm taking you home."

"But how? Don't you have to go back with them?"

"Normally, but Hotch will understand." He goes and makes sure that he doesn't have to do anything else before approaching Hotch.

"Hey, Hotch. Is it okay if I get a commercial flight so I can take Ashleigh home?"

"That wit be necessary. She can fly with us."

"Really?" His face us painted in confusion.

"Yeah. It's fine."


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you to ahowell1993 and lolyncut for reviewing! **

**Chapter Five**

Spencer leads me to a set of double seats which is sitting across a table from another set. He lets me slide in by the window and I take his hand under the table. We made introductions already. Now I'm dreading the interrogation. Not because I don't want to get to know them. But because I hate talking about myself. Gideon and Morgan sit across from us, and within minutes, Spencer is engrossed in a game of chess. I catch pretty much everyone stealing glance at me except for Hotch. He keeps handing out pointed looks and clearing his throat. We are barely in the air for ten minutes before JJ comes to sit on the couch across from us.

"So, Ashleigh? Where did you and Spence meet?"

"At Georgetown. I just finished a Bachelors in history with a minor in midevil studies. And now I'm pursuing a Bachelors in psychology with a minor in sociology."

"Oh that's interesting. You know the BAU is always looking for-"

"Don't." Spencer cuts her off and I cut my eyes at him but ultimately ignore it.

"So how long have you been seeing each other?"

"Officially for about three months. But we've been talking for six."

"Oh wow I can't believe that we haven't met before now. Granted Spence hardly ever comes out with us."

"You guys go out? As a team?"

"Oh sure we do. At least twice a month."

"How old are you?" Gideon cuts in and looks at me quizzically.

"Twenty Two."

"Twenty Two and already working on your second degree? Are you planning anymore afterward?"

"Realistically I want to go into social work."

"Then why history?"

"I'm not sure. I've always been fascinated. I guess I always dreamed I'd work for the Smithsonian, but I know that's highly unlikely."

"Anything is possible."

...

When we walk into Spencer's apartment I am beat. But also kinda ticked.

"Why did you go in that train?"

"I had to."

"You had me worried to death."

"I know that. I'm sorry. So uh, is that why you kissed me?"

"Not completely. I've wanted to for a while."

"I should have kissed you first."

"Oh really."

"Yeah. I had it all planned out in my head but...I couldn't work up the nerve."

"Show me." His breath hitches and he takes my hand, leading me into his bedroom. We stand at the foot of the bed and he looks at me intently.

"You should get changed for bed."

"Oh. Okay..." I pick up my bag and wander into the bathroom, admittedly a little disappointed. When I come back, he's propped up in the bed with his hands behind his head. I curl up next to him and he puts an arm around me.

"I had imagined us laying right here." Oh. He tilts my chin up with his free hand and kisses me. He's hesitant at first but after a moment he traces his tongue along my bottom lip, asking for entrance which I grant. Our kiss becomes more urgent and he rolls over on top of me, clasping my face in both of his hands and taking control. I submit and tangle my hands into his hair, scratching the back of his head softly. His breath hitches and he grinds against me firmly, yet gentle at the same time. I hook a leg around his waist and that's when his hands move into my hair. Minutes later we both pull away, breathless and flushed.

"Wow." He leans his forehead against mine and covers my face with butterfly kisses.

"Yeah...that was...wow."

...

I wake up thirsty and wiggle out of Spencer's arms, padding to the kitchen. When I come back with my water, I sit the cup on the bedside table and slide back in beside him. He's rolled over but when he feels me next to him he rolls back facing me and drapes an arm around me. He catches me by surprise when he nuzzles into my chest. I run a hand through his hair and kiss his forehead.

"I love you," he breathes sleepily. This wakes me up immediately. What did he just say? He's asleep. Does it even count if he's asleep? Surely not...


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you to ahowell1993 and lolyncut for reviewing! This chapter takes place in between S01xE09 and S01xE10 for those who were wondering! **

**Chapter Six**

The sound of the shower running wakes me up and I roll over to look at the clock. Oh I'm at Spencer's. Who takes a freakin shower at five in the morning? After a few minutes, the shower shuts off and Spencer comes out of the bathroom fully clothed, his hair dripping.

"Good morning." He smiles at me and gives me a quick kiss. "How did you sleep?"

"Well enough. Why are you ready for work so early? Did you get a case?"

"No but I'm sure we will. I just wanted to get out of your way so you could get ready."

"Oh...thanks."

I come out of the bathroom about an hour later and sit beside him at the table.

"Beautiful as ever."

"Spencer stop it," I smile and blush.

"What time do you get off tonight?"

"Seven. Why?"

"Do you want to...meet my team for drinks? We don't have to. It's whatever you want to do."

"You aren't going?" I cock an eyebrow at him.

"Not without you."

"Can I see how the day goes?"

"Of course. No pressure I promise."

"Okay cool. So umm...I should probably run by home and get my school stuff. And drop off my bags while I'm at it."

"Oh...okay. Yeah." I see disappointment flash across his face but he quickly conceals it.

...

When I walk through the door, Chelsea is sitting on the couch eating breakfast and she gives me a smirk.

"Thought you were coming home yesterday?"

"I was but uh, I ran into Spencer. He had a case in Texas and I ended up coming back with him."

"Oh I figured. You were all over the news."

"What?" She goes back in the DVR and presses play. Oh it's the train. Spencer is walking toward it. Oh shit. I can hear myself screaming. Aaaand now the camera is panning to me. Fuck. I'm acting like an idiot on national television.

"So what exactly happened?"

"Well I saw it on the news that there was a hostage situation and the Behavioral Analysis Unit had been called out of Quantico because they had an agent on the train. I was sure it wasn't Spencer's team but it was only an hour away so I went to be sure. About the time I spotted him, he was walking into the train. Then I freaked out. As you can see."

"So is that why you stayed with him last night?"

"Yeah."

"So weird. You guys are spending the night together and he still can't even work up the balls to kiss you."

"He did last night. And it was...awesome."

"Oh really? That's great!"

"I'm seeing him again tonight. And maybe his team. They're all so nice."

"That's good."

"Well I've gotta get to class. Text you later?"

"Sure thing."

...

Spencer spent the entire morning reeling. Had he really told her he loved her? Or was it a dream? She didn't even respond when he said it so surely he had to have been dreaming. Something about it felt right though. He was shocked at how disappointed he was with her taking her stuff home. Maybe he could think of an excuse to stay at her place tonight. All he wanted to do was hold her and his arms felt empty now.

"Long night?" Morgan's teasing tone snaps him out of his revere.

"Uh yeah, kind of."

"You okay kid?"

"I'm not sure."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"In private?"

"Yeah come on." He leads him down the hallway and they slip into an empty conference room. "So what's up?"

"Have you ever accidentally told a girl you love her?"

"Woah. That's a big one."

"Well we kissed for the first time yesterday."

"Your first kiss directly follows a hostage situation?"

"You saw?"

"The whole world saw it kid."

"For the record, she kissed me that time. But only because she was so worried."

"Kid you gotta take the reigns. At least some of the time."

"I did! Last night I kissed her for real."

"What is for real?"

"You know, like in the bed, hands in the hair. While nine yards. I've never done that before I was terrified the entire time. But she made it better..."

"My boy made out for the first time!"

"Yeah I guess I did. You never answered my question about accidental I love you's though."

"What do you mean accidental?"

"I think I said it in my sleep. Or when I was halfway asleep. I could have even dreamed it."

"Well as long as she doesn't bring it up, you shouldn't. Until you're ready to say it for real."

"Thanks Morgan."

"Anytime. So is she coming out with us tonight?"

"I'm not sure. She's going to see how the day goes. But I'm not going to push her."


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you to ahowell1993 and WritingHealstheHeart for reviewing! This chapter will take place before/during/after S01xE18 "Somebody's Watching" **

**Chapter Seven **

I lay awake in Spencer's arms as the sun rises. We've been up all night long, talking, kissing, he even read to me for a little while. We've went the past two months just kissing, but each one is sweeter than the last.

"Do you have to go again?" I pout.

"At least it's just a seminar. There's an end in sight."

"That's true...let me make you some coffee while you shower."

"That'd be great."

...

Two days later, Spencer calls me. They're staying. They got a case. Damn.

...

When they pull up to Lila Archers house, Reid is understandably nervous. Why would they leave him alone with her? I mean yeah, they are close to the same age but still. The whole team knows that she's attracted to him. And the whole team also knows that he has a girlfriend at home. He day is mostly uneventful until Lila mentions going to change. After a phone call with Gideon, he calls Ashleigh to check in.

"Hey Ash,"

"Hey Spence. How's the case going?"

"It's going okay. I'm on protective detail?"

"Are you protecting that movie star? Lila archer? I saw her on the news."

"Ummm, yeah." He runs a hand nervously through his hair.

"If she tries anything she will need protecting."

"Baby, don't worry. You're the only girl I see. I swear."

"I know that. I trust you. I don't trust her though."

"Are we arguing?"

"Absolutely not. Just stating facts." He can hear the smile in her voice and it makes him chuckle.

"Well okay then. Hey, when we get home I'm taking you out to dinner."

"Sounds good to me. Be safe okay?"

"Always. Sweet dreams."

Just as they are hanging up, Lila walks back into the room.

"Who was that?"

"Ashleigh...my um, girlfriend. She worries so I try to check in when we're on a case. But I hadn't called her today so I figured I should."

"Lucky girl."

"I'm the lucky one. What are you wearing?"

"I'm going for a swim."

...

He splashes into the pool and hurried to put his gun on the side. Next thing he knows she's wrapping her arms around him and he's trying to be as polite as possible about pulling away.

"I...I have a girlfriend. And she..." Lila is kissing the corner of his mouth and he is trying to move his head and avoid her. "She would be...she would be pissed and...stop...stop it. I love my girlfriend. No stop. I have to tell you something..."

...

The next day, they are standing outside by the curb saying their goodbyes.

"So...you going home to your girlfriend?"

"Oh yeah. It's been a week since I saw her."

"Lucky girl."

"I told you I'm just a lucky guy."

"So um...It's a good thing those pictures didn't get out."

"Oh yeah. Ashleigh could totally kick your ass."

"Uh...what?"

"I think you heard me. Take care." He smiles at her and goes to get in the car.

...

Spencer called me and asked me to pick him up from the BAU. When he gets into the car, I can tell he's freshened up.

"We aren't going to your place?"

"I thought we could go out for dinner. Keep it low key."

"Low key?"

"Yeah. The rest of the team wants us to meet them at a Chinese place."

"Sounds fun." He's getting more and more comfortable with bringing me around the team. I've struck up a friendship with Garcia which makes it a blast for me. They all tease him throughout dinner about meeting Lila Archer and rejecting her in the pool. Morgan calls him "probably the most loyal boyfriend ever" which makes me laugh. That's my Spencer. And they're right, I'd for sure kick her ass if she messed with him. Surprisingly, Gideon comes out with us this time. We spend the entire dinner talking about our mutual interests and I can sense that Spencer is taking pride in me buddying up to his mentor. When we are leaving, Spencer holds my hand and rubs circles on the back of my palm as I drive.

"So I know according to our usual rotation, we should be going to your place. But do you think we could go to mine? I just want some quality alone time with you."

"Oh...sure. But do you think we could swing by my place real quick? I need to grab a couple of things. I really want to take a shower and get this hairspray out of my hair. It's getting itchy.

"Of course, baby."

"Baby?" I look at him quizzically. "You've never called you baby?"

"I'm trying this cool new thing called 'acting like a normal boyfriend'. How did I do?"

"I think you did fine, honey." I grin at him.

...

When we get back to Spencer's apartment I go straight for the shower. When I get out, I realize that I left my clothes out in the bedroom. I hook a towel tightly around my body and step out slowly, hoping that Spencer is in the next room. When I emerge, I see Spencer standing in the corner, unpacking his bag.

"Oh wow...you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

"Spencer! I forgot my bag out here...I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize." He crosses the room to me and places his hands on my waist. He kisses me softly and runs the tip of his nose along mine, breathing in deeply.

"You. Are. So. Beautiful." He punctuates each word with kisses all around my face, making me giggle.

"I love that sound."

"Spencer, you have lost your mind."

"Maybe so. But you cause it." He kisses my lips again and takes my hands, pulling me toward the bed.

"I need to get dressed," I laugh.

"You have plenty on...come here." He plants soft kisses all over my face, along my jaw, my neck, my collar bone. Stopping just above my towel and gazed up at me. I grab his face and pull him up to meet my lips. We move together and before long, I am trailing my shaking hands down to the hem of his t shirt. His eyes burn into mine and me nods, shifting and allowing me to pull it over his head. He buries his face in my shoulder as I kiss his neck and I feel him take a deep breath.

"I love you," he breathes against my skin.

"I love you too," just as the words are out of my mouth, he moved again and claims my lips under his, biting down gently on the bottom one, asking for entrance.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you to ahowell1993 for reviewing! Everyone please review! This chapter takes place directly before S01xE19 "Machismo"**

**Chapter Eight**

I wake up to Spencer curled around me like a vine and I gaze down at him, stroking his face. That's when it hits me. Oh shit. I fell asleep in my towel. Wait...no. I'm wearing Spencer's shirt? It's completely buttoned. Not sloppily either.

"Good morning, beautiful." He looks up at me through groggy eyes and props up on an elbow.

"Morning Spence...hey did we?..."

"No. Your towel fell off and I put my shirt on you. I hope that's okay..."

"Yeah. I was just confused." I smooth his hair back out of his face.

"So what do you want to do today?"

"What do you mean? Don't you have to work?"

"Well, its Saturday, silly. And we don't have a case. So no, I don't have to work."

"I do need to go home and get some stuff. Unless you want me to go home tonight."

"Not at all. Breakfast first?"

"Sure." I beam at him and go to get out of the bed. But not before turning and giving him a peck on the lips.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

When I come out of the bathroom he gazes at me quizzically. I'm still wearing his button up shirt with leggings.

"You look...cute."

"Thanks," I grin at him. "Ready?"

"Yep."

We go out to a little cafe down the street from his apartment and he takes me back home afterward. I just grab a few things. I don't need much. When we get back to his apartment we decide to watch a movie and I curl up against his chest. He tightens his arm around me and he's softly rubbing my back. But I can tell he's inching around.

"Can...can I?"

"Can you do what?"

"Can I touch you?..."

"Yes," I whisper and hold my breath, wondering if he will actually follow through. He tentatively brushes me and then shifts so we are laying side by side only he is halfway hovering over me. He kisses me so sweetly and gently rubs his hand over my chest. I kiss him back and run my teeth along his jaw, making him shiver. He pulls away and his eyes burn into mine when he hovers his fingers over the top button of my shirt. I just nod and he leans his forehead against mine momentarily before unbuttoning each button painfully slow and kissing the skin right above.

"So perfect..." he breathes against my stomach before undoing the last one and letting it pool at my sides. He kisses back up to my chest and right between my breasts and looks up to me with his nose brushing against me. He raises an eyebrow and I nod. He surprises me by taking each cup in his teeth and pulling them down painfully slow, grazing my nipples and making me shiver.

"Spencer..." He trails his way back up to my mouth and kisses me deeply, invading my mouth with his tongue and moving his hands up to knead softly on my breasts, flicking his thumbs on my nipples. He kisses my neck and his voice is a whisper against my skin.

"I have an idea...do you trust me?"

"Wholeheartedly."

"Good." He works his way back down and peels my leggings off. I'm not wearing panties. He circles his thumb around my clit and a breathy moan escapes from my lips as I close my eyes and relax back into the couch.

"I...I want you to kiss me." He starts to move back up but I place a hand on his shoulder and stop him.

"No...I want you to kiss me there." His eyes widen. I can tell he wants to. But something his stopping him.

"I...I um...how?"

"Wing it."

"Oh...okay." He dips his head and kisses just above my clit before timidly tracing my lips with his tongue. He seems encouraged by my response and grows braver, finally landing on my nubbin and flicking his tongue across it.

"Ah..."

"Is this okay?" He continues and I can feel him smiling against me.

"Yeh...oh don't stop." His fingers work in and out as he continues flicking his tongue over me. I run a hand through his hair and when he grazes me with his teeth I pull. This makes him engulf my clit and suck gently.

"Spencer...I...I'm going..."

"Let go," he whispers before sucking on me again.

"Oh...ah...oh fuck..." I am trembling and he kisses back up to my mouth. I can feel his erection against my leg through his pants.

"I love you, Ashleigh."

"I love you too, Spencer. Do you trust me?"

"Of course."

"Can I reciprocate?"

"Yes..." I smile mischievously and shift so he's sitting and I'm on top of him, kissing down his body and removing clothes that are in my way. I sink to my knees in front of him and take him in my hand, kissing and licking the tip. He closes his eyes and lays his head back, twirling my hair through his fingers. It doesn't take him long at all before he's dropping pre cum into my mouth.

"Ashle...I...I don't want to cum in your mouth..." I raise my eyebrows at him and smile around his member before deep throating him.

"Oh fuck!" He grabs a handful of hair and thrusts into my mouth, emptying himself. I swallow every drop and move to curl up on his lap. He snakes his arms around me and pulls my bra back up before grabbing the afghan off of the back of the couch and draping it over us. He kisses my forehead and smooths my hair back down, tightening his arms around me and leaning back into the cushions.

"You're perfect."

"Spencer honey, I'm FAR from perfect."

"Well you're perfect for me." He gives me another quick peck on the lips before I settle into his chest.

...

We're sitting at the table eating dinner when a text comes through on Spencer's phone and he groans.

"Work?"

"Yeah...Mexico." He looks confused but gets up and goes into his bedroom to start packing his bag.

"Be careful down there." I lean against the door frame and wrap his shirt tighter around myself.

"I will. You can stay around here if you want...come and go as you please."

"Spencer I can't stay at your apartment while you're in Mexico," I laugh and he rolls his eyes at me.

"Why not?"

"Well...okay maybe I can. I'll think about it. You just come back."

"I will. I love you."

"I love you to babe. Be safe."


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you to ahowrll1993 for reviewing! This will take place before/during/ and after S01xE21 "Secrets and Lies". **

**Chapter Nine**

I wake wrapped in Spencer's arms and he's tracing my spine with his fingertips. We haven't had actual sex yet but we're getting pretty damn good at oral. His phone rings and he is up in a flurry, running around the room getting dressed.

"Spencer what's going on? Do you have a case? Where is it?"

"I don't think I'm allowed to tell you."

"Oh..."

"I should be back later tonight. What are you doing today?"

"I'll probably touch base with Chelsea. I'm sure she feels like I'm avoiding her."

"Oh okay."

...

When I open the door to my apartment I find Chelsea sitting at the table.

"Hey stranger...is Spencer out of town?"

"I'm not sure. He can't tell me about this one."

"Oh that sucks. So I take it he's dropped the L bomb?"

"What makes you say that?"

"Well you've been spending every second together."

"Okay every available second."

"Thank you for clarifying. And for your information, he did drop the L bomb."

"Oh wow! And you haven't even fucked him yet."

"About that..."

"You're kidding!"

"Well. Not completely. But we're making progress."

"That's awesome. Next thing you know he will be moving you in with him."

"I doubt that," I laugh.

"Oh come on. You've spent every spare second together for what? The past two months? You already basically live together you just bounce from apartment to apartment."

"I mean I guess that's true."

"And didn't you stay there a couple weeks ago when he was on a case?" She raises an eyebrow at me.

"Yeah...yeah I guess I did."

You two are adorable. Two little nerds in a pod," she teases and I laugh.

"I haven't even met his family yet so slow down there. Come to think of it I don't know anything at all about them."

"So ask?" She raises an eyebrow at me and I sigh.

"Yeah...yeah I think I will."

...

I decide to go back to Spencer's apartment after all. He did say he would be back sometime tonight so I really want to wait for him. I mull around for a while before I even realize what I'm doing. I'm cleaning the apartment as if it were mine. Not just tidying up after myself but I'm actually doing Spencer's laundry and dusting. The thought puts butterflies in my stomach. It's getting late and I resolve to wait for him on the couch. I am halfway asleep when he comes through the door and crosses the room to me.

"Hey, babe. I didn't expect you to be here. Well I mean, I just thought you'd get tired of waiting."

"Not at all."

"Have you been cleaning?" He looks around the apartment and then back to me.

"Yeah. I hope you don't mind. I got kind of bored."

"No, not at all." I get up and go into the kitchen, searching for water. Spencer leaves the room to change and is back beside me within minutes.

"Hey, you okay? You don't seem like yourself. Did you get into it with Chelsea? I know you said you were going to see her today."

"Yeah I went. No, nothing happened. We just talked."

"About what?"

"It's not important."

"Honey, if you're moping around at two in the morning then it's important to you. And if it's important to you, it's just as important to me."

"I don't even know how to..." he cuts me off with a swift kiss.

"I'll make you some tea. Go get changed." I look down at myself and realize that I never even changed into my pajamas. I was just concerned with waiting for him.

...

When I come back into the kitchen, he slides a teacup across the counter.

"Sit." He motions to the barstool and I do as I'm told.

"Okay...I know this is going to come out of nowhere. But I realized today that something has been bugging me."

"What is it?"

"I know nothing about your family. Nothing. You've given me bits and pieces about your childhood but never once have you mentioned your family. I don't even know if you have siblings."

"Ashleigh," he reaches across the counter for my hand. "There are just some things that I don't think to say. But if you want to know, all you have to do is ask."

"Tell me about your parents."

"It was just me and my mom. My dad walked out on us. But we did okay. My mom she...she wasn't well. But she did her best."

"Wasn't well?"

"She...has a condition."

"Spencer what are you talking about?"

"She has schizophrenia. She's not like crazy and violent and everything she's just...out there."

"Oh..."

"That's why my dad left. But we made it okay. I really hope this doesn't change anything."

"It doesn't. Your mom is sick. Neither of you can help that. Does she stay alone?"

"No. She's in a sanitarium."

"Oh...I...do you visit her?"

"When I can."

"Could I come next time you go?"

"Sure..."

"Can we go to bed now?..."

"Yes. If that's what you want."

"It is."

...

Spencer is finishing up at work. We're supposed to meet everyone for drinks. Well everyone except for Gideon. I decide to take a shower before. I am letting the water flow over me and leaning against the wall, thinking of him. Just daydreaming. That's when I am startled by two arms wrapping around me. I jump but quickly recognize them to be Spencer's. One hand travels to my breast as the other descends. What's on his hands? Heated body scrub...oh my. He tweaks and flicks at my nipples as he gently caresses my pussy lips, teasing me.

"Spencer...I was so worried..."

"I'm here now. Come to bed."

"Take me here..."

"No. Not here. Come with me." He leads me out into the bedroom and we lay across the bed together. He stops just as I'm almost to the edge and looks at me, silently asking. I nod and that's when he eases into me. His eyes are locked on mine the entire time he is sinking into me, agonizingly slow. When he is completely inside of me, he stops and kisses me before burying his face in my neck, letting me adjust to his length.

"You can move now..." he starts a slow and steady pace, gradually increasing the rhythm until the bed is shaking beneath us. His mouth never leaves my skin. He's biting my lip, my neck, even my breasts. I feel him start to quiver and he holds my face in his hands, pouring all of his passion into one deep kiss.

"Come with me..."

...

I am still on my back and Spencer is still inside of me, though he's grown limp. He collapsed on top of me and now he is wrapped around me like a vine, his face settles into the crook of my neck.

"I love you so much. So so much," he breathes against my skin before lifting his head to meet my eyes.

"I love you too, Spencer. You're so amazing."

"No. You're the amazing one."

"Let me get cleaned up, if you still want to go out."

"Well I already told them we were coming so I hate to bail out last minute."

"Good point."


	10. Chapter 10

**Thank you to ahowell1993 for reviewing!**

**_Chapter Ten_**

We walk into a loud and bustling bar, Spencer quickly spots his team and I can tell that he's already nervous here. I gently stroke the back of his hand with my thumb and he gives me a shy smile, mouthing a thank you.

"Hey, look who finally decided to show up!"

"Sorry, we got a little…tied up for a while."

"Oh, alright lovah." Morgan winks and I laugh. He's already two sheets to the wind. Garcia comes out of nowhere and passes me a glass.

"Jager bombs?" I raise an eyebrow at her and JJ laughs.

"Just wait till she switches to tequila." Oh my.

Spencer ends up drinking too, which surprises me. He never drinks. Although he doesn't get wasted, he does catch a bit of a buzz. I meet Anderson and I think he is hilarious, along with his girlfriend. She and I hit it off immediately. Eventually, when everyone is distracted, she taps me on the back of the hand. When I look to her she puts her thumb and index finger to her lips and raises an eyebrow at me. I turn to Spencer.

"Hey babe, Katie wants to step out, I'm going to run out with her and get some air."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, no it's fine. We'll be okay." I give him a peck on the lips and he blushes. I hear Morgan catcalling and we both laugh. We have never kissed in front of his team before.

…

When we get back inside, I sit down in Spencer's lap and wrap my arms around his neck. I can tell by the look on everyone's faces that they all know where I went. Shit. It's common knowledge. Spencer knows but he doesn't comment. When it's time to leave, we end up getting a cab. Usually Spencer is the DD for Morgan and Garcia, but he's a little drunk so that kind of went out the window.

…

**SPENCER POV**

I carry Ashleigh through the door and lay her across the bed. She rolls over and groans, reaching out for me. I stand and watch her heave herself out of bed and go over to my dresser. She pulls out a pair of my sweatpants and stands in front of me, peeling her clothes off. Once she's put the pants on she saunters over to me and hooks two fingers into my belt loops, rising on her tip toes to kiss me. I kiss her back but pull away before she can get worked up. She sticks her bottom lip out and pouts at me.

"Kiss me."

"You need a shirt." I go and get her a t shirt out of the drawer, slipping it over her head.

"Spencerrrr."

"Come on, let's get you in bed."

"Hold me?"

"Okay…" I pull her against me and put my nose in her hair. Man, she really got fucked up. I'm surprised that she's even conscious.

"I love you, Spencer."

"I love you too, Ashleigh. Get some rest."

…

**ASHLEIGH POV**

I wake up and my head is pounding. It's the middle of the night.

"Hey…You okay?" Spencer is groggily rubbing his eyes. Oh shit. I woke him up.

"Uh, yeah. Headache."

"I'll get you something." He peels himself out of bed and returns with two pills and a glass of water.

"Here, take these."

"Thanks…" I take them gratefully and sit up in bed.

"I should have warned you not to get carried away with Katie. Hardly anyone can hang with that girl," he laughs.

"Yeah…"

"You should get back to sleep. Love you." He kisses my forehead before we both settle back into bed.


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you to ahowell1993 for reviewing! **

**Chapter Eleven**

I wake to Spencer running a hand through my hair.

"Hey, how you feeling?"

"Alright. Probably better than I deserve. I'm sorry about last night."

"Hey, it's no big deal. We all get carried away sometimes."

"What are we doing today?"

"I actually have to go in for a couple of hours."

"On a Saturday?"

"Just to finish up my caseload. There's actually something I was wanting to talk to you about."

"What is it?"

"Well, after today, I have a two week vacation. And I was thinking about going to see my mom. If you wanted to come. I know it's last minute..."

"I'd love to come. When are you leaving?"

"As soon as possible."

"I could be ready by tonight?"

"Perfect. If you want to pick me up from work we can just leave straight from there."

"Okay sounds good."

...

I get to the BAU a few minutes early so I decide to just go up and surprise him. Wow. This place is kind of cool. I see him over in the corner putting papers into his bag and talking to Morgan and Elle so I make my way over to him.

"Hey honey, ready?"

"Almost."

"Hey Ashleigh. I was just telling Reid I could get my man to swing you guys a room. Even the two of you might have a little hanky pankey down there."

"No thanks," I laugh. "We're going to see Spencer's mom."

"Have fun with that."

...

When we land in Vegas we take a cab to a hotel. We're going to go in the morning to see her cause it's getting kind of late. I'm in the bathroom brushing my teeth when Spencer comes in behind me.

"Hey, you okay? I'm sure jet lag coupled with a hangover isn't the most pleasant thing in the world."

"I'm fine. You?"

"Yeah. I mean, I haven't physically seen my mother in a year so..."

"How come?"

"Work keeps me so busy..."

"But you talk to her right?"

"On occasion. We mostly write letters back and forth."

"That's sweet."

"Yeah...I guess it is. Hey, do you think I could talk to you about something?"

"What is it?"

"Not here...come with me." He takes my hand and leads me out to sit on the balcony. The look on his face breaks my heart.

"Spencer...what is it?"

"I need you to do something for me..."

"Spence, I would do anything for you."

"The next time we have sex...I want you to be on top. I know it's a strange request but...I need to try."

"What are you talking about you need to try? Does this have something to do with you not wanting to be touched?"

"It has everything to do with that." He looks like he is made of stone, all except for his eyes which are filled with pain.

"Spencer, where is all of this coming from?"

"Last night, when we were drinking. You wanted to...but I couldn't. Because I remembered."

"Remembered what?"

"I was about fourteen at the time. Knew absolutely nothing about girls. I just kept my head down and worked. I don't even think I was even interested at the time. I met this girl in class. I thought she was pretty so I stole a couple of looks at her. She noticed me and we started talking. I guess you could say she was my first girlfriend but she wasn't what I would classify as one."

"Whys that?"

"She wanted one thing. She always told me, "Spencer if you want to have a girlfriend you have to keep her happy." And so I did everything I could to make her happy because I thought that's what I was supposed to do. Basically followed her around like a lost puppy, followed every command."

"Like what?"

"I spent most of my time under her desk while she did homework."

"Oh...oh!"

"Yeah...she tried to touch me one day and I freaked out. So she came up with a plan to get me wasted. She took me to a party and got me all messed up before she...I had a panic attack, wasn't sure what was happening. And from then on I was a joke."

"Oh Spencer. I'm so sorry."

"It was a long time ago..."

"So you already had an aversion to touch?"

"Yes. The first time I remember anything traumatic was when I was about eleven. In high school. I was lured out to the football field, stripped naked and tied to the goal post...two girls touched me but...I was late in the...physical development department so I uh..."

"You hadn't hit puberty yet?"

"No...they eventually got bored and went home and I got home around midnight. My mom didn't know I was late. She was having an episode. I never told her because...I didn't want her to feel guilty. It wasn't her fault."

"Have you ever told anybody about this?"

"Well I reported Maeve. The girl who...the girl from MIT. But I've never told a soul about what they did to me in high school."

"Thank you for trusting me."

"I also...I think I was molested as a child and that's where this stems from."

"By who?"

"I don't know. I've just had nightmares. My entire life. I can't remember anything. I just thought you should know."

"Thank you for telling me, Spencer. I know it had to be hard."

"I don't want to have any secrets between us."

"Me either. I love you so much."

"And I love you...let's get to bed?"

"Sounds perfect."


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you to ahowell1993 for reviewing! **

**Chapter Twelve**

I prop myself up on my elbows and look down at Spencer sleepily.

"Good morning, love."

"Good morning to you too," I grin and kiss him. We mull around in unison getting ready and we take a cab to the hospital. As we're walking in, I feel as if Spencer is coaching me.

"Now, she might get a little confused so don't take offense."

"Confused how?"

"She gets really confused easily. Not angry or agitated. Just genuinely confused. You'll see."

"Oh...okay." Spencer goes up to the desk and talks to who I assume is her doctor for a few minutes before leading me up to the floor she is on. The closer we get to the lounge, the slower he walks. Once we're inside the door he stops in his tracks, staring at a woman who is sitting on the other side of the room looking out a window.

"Is that her?"

"Yeah...maybe we should umm..."

"Spencer what's wrong?"

"Maybe we should come back later..."

"Oh don't be ridiculous." I take his hand and pull gently. "Come on."

"O...okay." He leads me over to her and as soon as she sees him she smiles.

"Spencer...this is a surprise."

"Hi mom. I uh, got some vacation time and I thought I should come and see you."

"Who's this?"

"This is Ashleigh...my um...my girlfriend."

"Girlfriend? Oh Spencer that's wonderful." I see him blush out of the corner of my eye. I take it she's never even seen him with a girl.

"I couldn't wait to meet you, Diana."

"Oh the pleasure is all mine. Here, sit," she motions to two chairs across from the couch she is sitting on.

...

"My mom loves you," Spencer beams at me as we are getting out of the cab back at the hotel."

"She's really nice. I really like her too."

"Good." He snakes an arm around me and leads me back up to our room. When the door closes behind us, he surprises me by backing me into the wall and kissing me fiercely.

"Let's go to bed..."

"Its four in the afternoon."

"I didn't say to sleep." He bites my bottom lip and smiles. Oh.

...

As we are leaving the next day, a woman hands Spencer a package. He is confused but turns it over in his hand and opens it.

"What is it?"

"A key of some sort...I'm not sure. And there's a note...I need to call Gideon." We get back to the hotel room and Spencer is moving around the room, furiously throwing things back into his suitcase and cleaning up the room.

"Spencer, what is it? What did Gideon say?"

"We've all been recalled."

"Over a key and a note?"

"Gideon got a head delivered to his cabin. Hotch got a phone call."

"A head? Like a real head?"

"Yeah."

"Well who's head was it?"

"They think it belongs to the body in Jamaica."

"Woah woah woah. What body?"

"There was a body found down there in the same resort that morgan and Elle were staying in. Blood trail led right to her door. He was missing his head."

"No way."

"Oh yes way. I'm sorry we had to cut our vacation short. But maybe when this is over we will still get one."

"Spencer I'm more concerned about what's going on."

"I'm not sure. Hey, if you wanted to stay out here for a couple of days you can."

"I'm staying with you."

"Okay. We're leaving in a half hour."

...


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you to ahowell1993 for reviewing! **

**Chapter Thirteen**

Spencer drops me off at the BAU before taking a Bureau car to find the rest of his team. I am holed up in a small interview room for most of the day until Hotch comes and drops Hailey and Jack off in the room with me.

"What did you get?"

"Just a package. I didn't open it."

"Oh...can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"How do you do it?"

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"How can you hold yourself together and not worry? From the second Spencer walks out the door for a case, I feel like I can't breathe until he comes back. I'm terrified of something happening to him out in the field."

"It never gets easier. You just learn how to deal with it." She smiles at me and takes my hand. "Look over there, he's right there across the bullpen, working away. A lot of times they don't even take Reid on takedowns unless it's necessary. There's a good chance he will never leave this building while they're working this case."

"How can you be sure?"

"I'm not. I won't lie to you and say I am. But I will tell you to have a little faith. They are the best at what they do. That's why this specific team is in such high demand."

"Thank you."

"No problem," something catches her attention out in the bullpen. "Do you care to keep an eye on Jack for me?"

"Um...sure."

She returns moments later, ashen faced.

"What is it?"

"Elle was shot. Gideon and Hotch are on their way to the hospital."

"Oh no..."

...

I can see out the window and into the conference room where Spencer is from across the bullpen. Garcia is with him and he's bustling around like he's in his own little world. All the sudden he stops in his tracks and he's swatting papers out of the way to get to the phone. When he hangs up, he rushes around the catwalk into the room with me.

"They're picking my mother up."

"Is she okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah. It's just a precaution."

"Oh...okay." I kiss his cheek before he leaves the room again.

...

I'm standing with Spencer getting coffee when I hear a familiar voice.

"That's why you're so skinny, you know." Spencer whirls around to see his mom standing with two Agents.

"Thanks guys." He leads us up to the round table room and I sit in the corner while he talks to his mother. The rest of the team eventually trickles in and Diana shows them a picture. Everyone bursts into a flurry. I can't help myself and I follow Spencer out to his desk.

"Are...are you going?"

"I'll have to. Elle is in the hospital. Gideon is staying with her. We're two agents down."

"Be careful..." I tentatively wrap my arms around his waist and after a moment he reciprocates. "I love you."

"I love you too. Don't worry about me I promise I'll be okay." He kisses my forehead before he turns to leave.

...

I stay in the BAU room with Diana. Eventually Hailey comes to join me with Jack. She is busting herself with him and Diana is writing in her journal. I am nervously picking at my nails. I can't stop watching the news either. There's an explosion. Three federal agents inside. Oh god. I can tell that Hailey registers this as her demeanor changes slightly. Diana doesn't even seem to hear it which I resolve is for the best. I have no idea how to handle it if she started freaking out. JJ rushes into the room moments later and turns the tv to a different channel.

"You don't need to watch this."

"Were they inside?" I whisper.

"Yes."

"Oh no..." my heart sinks but I try to hold it together.

"Try to stay calm okay?" I just nod and wipe my eyes, taking a deep breath. "I'll let you know something as soon as I know. Just stay put and don't turn that TV back on."

"Okay...got it." I stare at the elevator for over an hour, pulling Spencer's jacket tighter around myself. After a while the elevator opens and I see Morgan and Hotch stepping out, followed by Spencer. Before I even realize what I am doing, I jump up off the couch and take off around the catwalk and down the stairs. I don't run, but I move with a purpose and meet him just as they are dispersing. I throw my arms around his neck and hold him close to me.

"You're okay..." I whisper into his chest.

"Can't get rid of me that easy," he buries his nose in my hair and kisses the top of my head. He is covered in ash and soot and sweat but I don't care. I can't let go of him. Not for a second.

"Come on...let's go check on my mom."

...

We both fly back with Diana and check into a hotel after dropping her off.

"I really need to take a shower."

"Yes. You do." I laugh and give him a peck on the lips. "Need company?"

"That would be glorious."


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you to ahowell1993 for reviewing! **

**Chapter Fourteen **

I giggle as Spencer is kissing all over me. We've been in this shower for twenty minutes and have gotten absolutely nothing accomplished besides giggly kisses and an impromptu tickle fight.

"Spenc-...ahh...Spencer! Honey!" He silences my protests with another kiss and he is grinning from ear to ear.

"What?" He nibbles on my earlobe and blows on my neck.

"Baby, lemme wash your hair."

"If you insist." He awkwardly tries to crouch down before giving up and just dropping to his knees in front of me.

"Oooh...lovely view." He kisses just above my mound and I feign shock, playfully swatting him.

"Behave."

"Yes ma'am," he grins up at me and rolls his eyes before closing them so I can get to work. After a moment or two I can tell he is completely relaxed. It takes three tries before the water runs clear off of his head. The small amount of water that is settled around the drain is dark gray. I decide to take it a step further and grab a washcloth. I rewash his face and run it over his neck, shoulders, arms and chest with no objection. Now I realize just how dirty he actually was. Damn. He washed his face before we got on the plane but that was it. He wanted to get his mother home as quick as possible and he couldn't clean up on the plane because he was afraid to leave her side. He stands abruptly and makes a twirling motion with his finger, looking me dead in the eye.

"Turn." I smile to myself and do as I'm told. He's almost a foot taller than me so I don't have to bend down at all. First he washes my hair, then my shoulders, back, and arms. Taking a knee to get my legs before pulling me against him and massaging soap into my breasts.

"Spence..."

"Hush..." he nips my neck and I close my eyes, laying my head back on his shoulder and relishing in the feeling of his hands moving over me.

"I love you..."

"I love you too."

"I was so worried about you."

"I know. And I'm sorry." He trails his hand down to the most intimate part of my body and I sigh against him.

"Take me to bed..."

"As you wish..." he turns the shower off and wraps a towel around me, then himself, before scooping me up and carrying me out into the room. He lays me across the bed and lavishes me with kisses all over, to the point where I am squirming beneath him, desperate for more friction.

"Tsk tsk tsk. You're on top. Remember?"

"Oh?" Now I remember. The last time, before the impromptu case, we just had oral. No penetration. Damnit, do I even know what to do?

"What's wrong?"

"How...uhm...how do I?..."

"Just do what you feel..."

"Oh...okay." I get an idea so I gently push him back against the pillows and kiss my way down his body and back up to his lips. I straddle him and he helps me line up to his length. I sink all the way down and I can tell he's gritting his teeth, oh shit. His eyes are screwed shut. I reach out and stroke the side of his face.

"Hey," I whisper. "Look at me baby, just look at me." He looks into my eyes as I start to move. But there is still tension all over his face. In the blink of an eye, he flips me onto my back and rolls over on top of me, never removing himself completely. He sinks all the way into me and rests his forehead against mine.

"I just...I can't."

"I know...it's okay. We do everything in our own time." I run my fingers down his cheek and he claims my lips under his. He starts out moving slowly, but quickly becomes frantic. Both of us are overcome with need and desire. I feverishly kiss him and he bites down on my bottom lip, signaling me to allow him entrance. Our tongues dance as he slams into me. Three more thrusts and he collapses on top of me. Both of us are panting and flushed. Simultaneously we lock eyes and start laughing uncontrollably. I don't think either of us knows why, but we can't stop. He is smothering me with butterfly kisses and running his nose along mine in between our fits of laughter.

...

I wake to Spencer tracing my spine with his fingertips.

"What time is it?"

"Almost four in the afternoon."

"We slept that long?"

"We didn't get here until almost three in the morning. And I don't think we actually fell asleep until at least five."

"Oh...that's not as bad I guess."

"No definitely not. You do need to get dressed though."

"Whys that?"

"Because we're going out for dinner silly."

"We are?"

"Yeah. I figure since we have to go home tomorrow afternoon I should at least wine and dine you once."

"What a gentleman," I tease.

"I try," he grins.

...

We arrive at a really nice looking restaurant and I give him the side eye. What's he up to? Everything goes pretty normally. But something does strike me as odd, Spencer orders wine? He rarely ever drinks. Just as we're finishing up, he clears his throat and takes a breath.

"So..I...I wanted to ask you something."

"I'm all ears."

"Well I was thinking since we spend so much time together anyways...will you...will you move in with me?"

"Of course I'll move in with you," I beam at him.


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you to ahowell1993 and lexikkh for reviewing! **

**Chapter Fifteen **

I am admittedly a little nervous about telling Chelsea that I'm moving out. Spencer wants to try and get it done before his vacation is over. So we've decided that I'll pack my stuff up and he's going to move all he can by himself while I'm in class and at work. I resolve that it's probably better for me to tell Chelsea alone, so I drop him off at home and head over to tell her the news and grab a few things. She is nowhere to be found so I just grab a handful of trash bags and make my way back into my bedroom. She comes in just as I am finishing putting the last bag over a handful of clothes on hangers. I've found this is the quickest way to move closets at least.

"Hey Ash, what are you doing?"

"I'm packing my stuff," I say matter of factly. She looks confused for a moment before she squeals and runs across the room, hugging me.

"He asked you to move in!"

"Yep!"

"When?"

"As soon as possible. He's on vacation for the next week and a half so we want to try to get it all done before then."

"Oh that's great!"

"Oh and we had sex last week."

"What? Where?"

"His apartment."

"And you've been with him since?"

"Well yes and no. He was technically on vacation last week but something came up. There was a case. Guy was stalking the team. Anyways we had to leave Vegas-"

"You went to Vegas?"

"To see his mom. But we had to leave. And then she was brought to Quantico in protective custody. Long story."

"Wait a second...that explosion? The house that blew up last week? With three agents inside. Was he in there?"

"Yeah. And you can bet his mom tore him a new one too."

"How come?"

"The guy had a bomb! He saw the bomb and just told the rest of the team to go downstairs. It's a wonder he even made it out."

"That is insane."

"Oh trust me, I know."

"Ashleigh, honey. Can we have a heart to heart?"

"Uh, sure. I guess. But Spencer is expecting me so let's make it quick?"

"Yeah I just...come sit with me." I join her at the edge of the bed and I can tell she's nervous.

"Are you sure you want to get in this deep with him? I mean...he has a dangerous job, Ashleigh. He takes the chance every day of leaving and never making it back. And you take that chance too with him. And all this talk of stalkers...you could become a potential target."

"Then Spencer will protect me."

"How do you know that?"

"He protected me last week. Took me to the BAU. I was right across the bullpen from him the entire time. Until he went to that house."

"I'm not trying to tell you what to do-"

"Sure sounds like it," I cut her off.

"Just hear me out. If you are intent on doing this, at least have him teach you how to defend yourself."

"I'll talk to him about it."

"You're sure you're okay with all of this?"

"I'm sure. I love him. I love him more than anything. And I know he won't let anything happen to me."

"I hope you're right." There's a knock at the door and we exchange a look before I go to answer it. There's some buffed up asshole looking guy standing on the other side.

"I think it's for you Chelsea!"

...

Spencer meets me down in the parking lot and helps me carry a couple of boxes and my hangers inside. We deposit everything on the bed and he stands awkwardly in the corner.

"I uh...how do you want everything put up? I moved some of my stuff around to make room for yours."

"Honey you don't have to help."

"I want to...I mean...if you want me to."

"I guess you can just start hanging stuff up. I don't really have a system."

"Okay...cool." He starts ripping trash bags off of my clothes and hanging them in the closet. I notice him organizing them, but I don't say anything because I'm not sure he can even help it. He seems to pick up on my mood.

"So what's wrong? You're acting kind of strange."

"Well...Chelsea got all weird on me earlier. I think she was trying to scare me so I wouldn't follow through with moving in."

"What did she say?"

"She told me that you have a dangerous job and there's always a chance you won't come home. And every single day you leave that you're taking that risk. And she also said that I could be a target for your enemies."

"Okay, first off, I will never let anything happen to you. Over my dead body. Secondly, I'm not exactly out there kicking down doors. Yeah, I go on take downs occasionally but not often. And yeah, I have a risky job. But I couldn't imagine doing anything other than helping people."

"And that's one of the many things I love about you."

"Just...don't worry too much. And if it makes you feel any better, you can call Garcia anytime day or night to check on things when we're in the field. She may not be able to give you specifics at times but she can put your mind at ease."

"That helps..." he crosses the room and kisses the top of my head.

"So do you have any furniture to move?"

"Ummm...I have a chair and a dresser but that's it. I think I'll just leave my bed."

"Good deal."

"So what do you want to do tonight?"

"I think Derek wants us to come out with him."

"Oh...will anyone else be there?"

"You can call Katie and see if her and Anderson want to come. I think Garcia will be there too."

"Oh okay."

...

We end up going to the movies and I'm sitting up against the wall with Spencer on the other side of me. Morgan is beside him followed by Garcia, Katie, and Anderson at the end. Spencer keeps his arm around me the whole time and I lean against his chest. I'll admit that I am so comfortable I almost fall asleep. When we're leaving the movie, morgan suggests going to a pub, a quiet one. We tag along but Grant and Katie decline. Once we're all sitting, Morgan let's out a relieved sigh.

"I'm kinda glad they didn't come. They made out through the entire movie. Sure you guys were spooning or whatever but you didn't make it weird."

"I didn't even notice," Spencer looks confused.

"Well duh, pretty boy. Whenever you two are in the same room you're like a lovestruck puppy," he laughs and Spencer blushes. I squeeze his hand under the table.

"Oh hey Ashleigh, I was meaning to ask you. I was driving by earlier and saw you and your roommate carrying boxes. You guys moving?"

"Umm, not exactly. Well I am-"

"She's moving in with me."

"Oh that's so nice!"

"Well we've been going between each others apartments for about four months now. It made the most since," I look at Spencer out of the corner of my eye and catch him grinning from ear to ear.

"Well I am happy for you guys. You two look so cute together, and our resident genius seems so much happier," Garcia says encouragingly.

...

We finally drag through the door at almost three in the morning. I go into the bathroom to change into pajamas and when I come out, Spencer is turning down the bed and sliding into his side. He pulls me against him where my back is flat against his front and kisses my cheek before settling down.

"Welcome home, baby."

"I love you, Spence."

"I love you too. Get some sleep."


	16. Chapter 16

**Okay I know this is a short one BUT I need yall's opinions. I am considering skipping forward to Sex, Birth, Death (S02xE11) and then going into The Big Game/Revelations (S02xE14/15) aka "Reid held hostage". PLEASE let me know what you guys think. Also, I would like to apologize to my readers for the rant I posted yesterday. I have since deleted it. That was very impulsive and I should not have done that. I do not regret the things that I said, but I could have handled it better and sent the person a PM. Please review and check out my other story "All In" **

**Chapter Sixteen**

I wake up and admire my sweet boyfriend. He looks asp peaceful when he's asleep that my heart melts. I sneak into the kitchen to make Spencer's favorite breakfast, chocolate chip pancakes and bacon. I now take this time to reflect over our relationship. Who would have thought that a man who came to guest lecture in one of my classes would notice me in those two short hours. In a class with Seventy nine students. I was sitting about halfway back and he notice me. Our eyes locked halfway through and he blushed, stumbling over the rest of his lecture. We got out early but he instructor said we were welcome to stay around and use the building to study as long as we were gone by he time the next class started arriving. At the end of the class when everyone was approaching him and asking him questions, I waited quietly, pretending to be working on something else. From the second he approached me after everyone was gone, I felt something I had never felt before. I am snapped out of my revere when I accidentally burn my hand removing pancakes. He comes out of the bedroom with a pair of sweatpants slug low on his waist. So low that I can see the very top of his V line.

"Wow."

"What?" I giggle at him.

"You are the most beautiful girl in the world. I can't believe your mine." He snakes his arms around me from behind and kisses my neck.

"And you made my favorite breakfast? What's the occasion?"

"I just caught the love bug."

"I hear that's going around," he teases and kisses the tip of my shoulder.

As we eat our breakfast, my mood shifts. I don't want Spencer to go back to work tomorrow. I just want to spend every second with him in our home. Because when he's with me he's not in the field. And that means he's not in danger.

"Hey...why the long face?"

"I just don't want you to go back to work..."

"Sweetheart...you know I have to."

"I know it's just..."

"Is this about the bad dreams that you've been having?"

"You know?"

"Of course I know."

"Well yeah. Kinda." He stands and walks around to my side of the table, pulling me to my feet and embracing me.

"I swear to you nothing will happen. And i will always fight like hell to make it back."

"I believe you will fight...you just have such a dangerous job..."

"I promise I'll check in."

"That helps..."

"Good. Now come with me." He takes my hand and starts to lead me toward the bathroom.

"What are we doing?"

"I really need to take a shower."

"But what do you need me for?"

"I want you to wash my hair...is that weird?"

"No...I don't think so. Let me ask you this though, why?"

"Because I crave intimacy with you."

"Then why don't we just have sex?" I am genuinely confused.

"No not that kind of intimacy. Well. Yeah. Kinda. I crave that too. But right now I'm talking about a different type of intimacy."

"Oh?"

"The kind that makes your heart swell. And I get butterflies. The sweet kind."

"Oh Spencer..."

we get into the shower and he wets his hair before crouching down on his knees facing me. I massage his scalp gently and when I softly scratch, he leans his forehead against my stomach and idly caresses the back of my legs.

...

We are in he bedroom getting dressed and when Spencer bends over, his hair flops into his eyes and he huffs.

"I need to get it trimmed."

"Could I?..."

"You want to cut my hair?" He looks puzzled.

"Sure. I can do it. Come on...intimacy right?" I take his hand and lead him back into the kitchen, pulling a chair out and nudging him to sit. I come back with the scissors and he gives me a sweet boyish grin.

"Trust me?" I raise my eyebrows.

"More than anyone," he murmurs softly.


	17. Chapter 17

**Please review! **

**Chapter Seventeen **

I'm almost home from work when I get the text from Spencer that they're headed home from Seattle. Thank goodness. I go ahead and take a shower before settling down on the couch to study. Spencer creeps through the door a few hours later and I turn to look at him.

"Hey babe. How was the case?"

"Intense. Bomb threats are always intense."

"I'm glad you're home safe." He comes around in front of the couch and hands me a bouquet of flowers.

"What are these for?" I grin and take them, getting up to find a vase.

"Just because I love you." He comes behind me and puts his hands on my waist as I'm putting the flowers into water. I turn in his arms and kiss him.

"Well they're beautiful. I love them. And I love you." He picks me up and sets me on the counter, standing between my legs. After a few sweet kisses he pulls back but I wrap my legs around his waist, holding him in place and he grins at me.

"I'm not going anywhere. I just want to ask you about something before we...you know."

"Okay...what's up?"

"Well I was thinking and...since you know we live together and we're pretty serious...you think we're serious right?"

"I would say so," I giggle. "What is it, honey?"

"Well I know you worry yourself to death when I'm gone and I think I've come up with a way to make it a little bit more bearable."

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

"Well," he pulls a handful of papers out of his bag and hands them to me to flip through.

"Your file?"

"A copy of it." He motions for me to read it so I flip through. I get to the personal section...I'm listed?

"You had me listed in your file?"

"Technically we are required to list immediate family, spouses, and children just in case a protective detail is ever needed. But I decided you should be on the list. This makes it easier for you to get into the building when you come to see me at work...not as many security checkpoints."

"Oh...that's so sweet of you..." I flip over to the last page and my eyes snap up to meet his.

"You have me listed at first contact. What does that mean?"

"You're the very first call they make if I am ever hurt or incapacitated." My eyes well up and he brushes away a stray tear.

"Is this okay with you?"

"Yes," I whisper.

"Good because there's something important I need to discuss with you."

"Oh?" He pulls a blank envelope out of his bag and passes it to me. I open it and read it in two minutes then look back into his eyes.

"Is this what I think it is?"

"It's an um...Durable Power of Attorney form. All you have to do is sign it." I reach to get a pen out of his bag but I stop myself.

"Don't we need to have it notarized?"

"Garcia said she would if I brought it to her in the morning. I think she can trust us," he laughs.

"Oh...Penelope as a Notary...never saw that one coming," I giggle and grab a pen, signing it and sliding it back into the envelope. I wrap my arms around and play with the hair on the back of his head.

"You're really something, Doctor Reid."

"Oh really, how's that?"

"You always know what to do..."

"I know it isn't much, but I just want to put your mind at ease." I smile and kiss him, running the tip of my tongue along his bottom lip.

"Take me to bed."

"I could take you here..." he bites my lip seductively and starts to pull my gown up as I unbutton his shirt.

"That sounds like a fabulous idea." I bend my head down and run my teeth along his Adam's apple, making him groan and yank my panties down.

"Oh no foreplay?" I grin against his lips. He puts two fingers inside of me, running them up along my clit, over my stomach, and up to my lips before putting them in his own mouth.

"Well you're wet like you're ready now. And you taste like you are too."

"Good point." His lips claim mine as he slides into me slowly, letting me adjust to this position. Oh damn, from this angle it's intense. It isn't long before I hit my release and he thrusts into me a few more times, shakily, pushing me flat on my back and resting his head on my chest...


	18. Chapter 18

**This chapter takes place before/during S02xE11 "Sex, Birth, Death". Please review!**

**Chapter Eighteen**

I am sprawled across the bed, studying when I hear Spencer come in.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" I hear his bag hit the floor and he sits on the edge of the bed.

"Studying," I look over my shoulder and smile at him.

"Well far be it from me to interrupt. As you were." He kisses the top of my head and goes into the bathroom to change. When he comes back, he props up on one elbow and peers over my shoulder at my textbook.

"Oooooh, chemistry." He reaches out to look over my notes and I give him the side eye.

"Aht." I swat his hand away. "I'm pretty sure it's cheating to use a genius to study." He pouts but complies, instead settling back in the bed and picking up a book of his own. After a few minutes, he puts his book down and shifts back to his side, trailing one hand down my back and kissing my cheek.

"What are you doing?"

"Shh, study." He motions to my book and fondles my butt before pulling his shirt up, exposing my panties while simultaneously pulling them down. He runs a finger up and down my slit and I spread my legs to give him better access.

"Spence…"

"What is it?"

"I…I want more."

"If you say so," he kisses behind my ear and starts fingering me. When I close my eyes, he stops.

"Study." I open my eyes and try to focus on the task at hand while he moves his long fingers in and out, agonizingly slow.

…

I wake to Spencer smiling down at me. Breakfast in bed.

"Good morning, beautiful."

"Morning baby," I reach out and stroke his arm, "what's the occasion?"

"Just because," he grins.

"Sounds legit." I sit up and we eat together. When he stands to take the tray back to the living room, he tells me to get dressed. I oblige and he takes me out for coffee.

"Want me to take you to work?" He looks at his watch and shakes his head.

"You'll be late for class if you do. We got a late start. I'll just take the metro."

"You sure?"

"Yeah definitely. I don't want to make you late."

…

Spencer texts me and lets me know that he may or may not be home tonight, something happened on the metro and he will call me later to explain. I sigh and trek up the hill to the building where my first class is. I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn around swinging. Amber jumps back.

"Shit! You okay?"

"Yeah…just hypervigilant I guess," I mutter and continue my walk with her joining me.

"Maybe you should stop asking Mr. FBI about all of the cases he works? If it's freaking you out this bad."

"No…I'm okay, really. So, how's the mystery man?"

"Awesome," she smiles.

"Do I get a name?"

"Maybe sometime in the near future. I'd love for you to meet him. But, he travels a lot for work."

"Oh, is that so?"

"Yeah…Maybe you could meet him when he gets back, we're talking about barhopping when he gets home."

"Spencer isn't exactly the bar hopping type," I laugh.

"Oh come on. You can't tell me that you two just sit at home and read all the time. I know for a fact you've said before that you go out with his team."

"Okayyyy, I'll talk to him," I raise my hands up in defeat and she grins at me.

"Good, and for the record, the only reason I even knew Spencer's name right off the bat is because I was in that lecture with you," she scolds.

"Details. You get so hung up in the details." I roll my eyes and she laughs.

…

Spencer calls me around ten.

"Hey babe."

"Hey honey, I'm sorry I won't be home tonight…"

"It's okay…Where are you guys?"

"We're in DC. But we have to work the streets tonight, that's why Hotch isn't sending anybody home. I'll try my best to check in with you tomorrow."

"Okay honey…I understand. Not a big deal."

"You really are the best."

"Well, I have finals this week so honestly, I need to study. And you distract me too much with your kinky fuckery," I giggle.

"Kinky fuckery? I would do no such thing…" I can hear the smile in his voice.

"Spencer, baby, you fingered me last night while I was studying."

"Okay, maybe I did. But you just looked so damn cute when I walked through that door. And I hadn't seen you in almost a week. So, it's on you for laying on the bed with nothing but my shirt and a pair of panties on, that little ass poked up in the air and reading."

"Okay, but in my defense, I didn't know you were headed home."

"And right now, you're giving me a boner."

"Okay okay, down boy. Catch your killer. Then come home safely."

"I plan on it. Love you."

"I love you too. Goodnight." I smile as I hand up the phone and go to find his shirt that was unceremoniously thrown into the corner last night. I slip it on and pull it around myself before going to sit at his desk and study.

…

I wake up to Spencer rubbing circles on my back.

"Hey baby, are you okay?"

"Yeah…yeah." Shit, I fell asleep at his desk. "Hey, stranger."

"I'm sorry I haven't been home in a couple of days. Hotch sent us all home to get some rest."

"Oh…okay. You want something to eat?"

"Not right now…I'm exhausted."

"Let's go to bed then…"

…

I go to meet Spencer and Garcia at the BAU. She said she's going to coax him out to blow off some steam. Just as I see them crossing the parking lot, I get out and go to catch up with them. That's when Spencer's phone rings.

"Hello…what…uh…stay…stay where you are…I'm calling an ambulance." He hangs up the phone and takes off running towards the car. "Garcia, I need you to drive!" Spencer throws his stuff in the back and I jump into the back without even thinking about where we're headed. Spencer calls an ambulance and we pull into the parking lot of a motel so fast my head spins. I don't know why but I follow them into a room and am horrified when I see a teenaged boy laying across the bed with blood pouring out of his wrists. Spencer rushes to him and holds his wrists down, barking orders.

"Tie it…where are the medics…Ashleigh…get out of here!" I turn to go back to the car, thankful that he sent me away when I hear him scream again.

"Where in the hell are the medics?!"

…

When we get home, I wait patiently in bed while Spencer takes a shower. I can hear him crying though, and the sound makes my heart ache for him. I can't take it anymore so I peel my clothes off and go into the bathroom, stepping into the shower facing him. We lock eyes and sniffles before pulling me tight against him and burying his face in my shoulder, sobbing. I run my hand through his wet hair and rub his back with the other one.

"Baby…there's nothing you could have done…"

"He…he said that once they locked him up they would never let him out…now its for sure. He's never getting out."

"Technically when he turns eighteen…"

"Yeah you're right. When he turns eighteen, I'll have to catch him."

"You don't know that."

"Gideon said that the question isn't IF he will kill someone…the question is WHEN he kills."

"Spencer…"

"I just…can we go to bed?"

"Of course." I shut off the shower and we both dress quickly before sliding into bed. This time though, he wraps his arms tight around my waist and buries his face in my chest. I kiss the top of his head and rub circles on his back.

"I love you, Spencer."

"I love you too, Ashleigh," he chokes out.


	19. Chapter 19

**Please Review! **

**Chapter Nineteen**

I gaze down at Spencer and kiss his forehead before peeling myself out of bed and going to start the coffee. It's been two weeks and two cases since Nathan Harris. I still can't get the image of that kid out of my head, but I'm not nearly as affected as Spencer is by it all. He comes dragging out of the bedroom moments later and wraps an arm around me.

"Morning," he kisses my temple. I squeeze him back and kiss his cheek.

"Good morning. Coffee is almost ready."

"Good." He goes over and stands in front of the coffee pot, waiting for it to finish.

"So ummm, I wanted to run something past you." I twiddle my thumbs and start to pack my lunch for work.

"What's that?" He starts to pour a pound of sugar into his mug before grabbing the coffee pot.

"Well…Amber wants me to meet her new boyfriend, but I don't want to go without you. I think that would be weird."

"So, make plans."

"Yeah…they want us to go out with them tonight. Like bar hopping."

"Oh…uh…when?"

"Tonight? She says that he is out of town a lot and so I figured we should do It when you're both in town because I don't know how often that'll happen. I know that we normally only go out with the team but I figure we will be okay. We can drive so that way if you get uncomfortable then we can leave."

"I would love to meet your friend." He places his hands on my waist and kisses my forehead. "Tell her that we can meet them at seven. That'll give me time to get home and get changed.

"I love you." I grin up at him and give him a peck on the lips.

…

We walk into a loud bar and I can spot Amber over in the corner at a table, so I drag Spencer over to her.

"Hey! Where's this mysterious boyfriend?"

"Oh, he went to get drinks…here he comes." I turn around and I almost fall out of my chair…its Morgan.

"Hey Ashleigh! Pretty Boy," he grins and ruffles Spencer's hair.

"You said he traveled a lot."

"Yep sure did." One by one the team files into the bar. Everyone but Gideon. Even Hotch and Hailey join us. Spencer gets into a game with Anderson. JJ struts out after a couple hours to take a phone call. She returns minutes later and starts rounding up the team. Spencer sees this and turns to me.

"I love you."

"I love you too." He squeezes my hand under the table and gives me a chaste kiss as they all assemble around us.

"Ashleigh, do you care to take Amber home? I'll give Reid a ride. We're all going to the same place."

"Sure thing," I smile.

…

I haven't heard from Spencer and he said he would call me as soon as they got back to the station. That was five hours ago. They've been in Georgia for days now, and he hasn't missed a phone call. Not once. I remember being told that I can always call Garcia so I decide to take a whack at it. She answers on the first ring.

"Ashleigh?"

"Have you heard from Spencer?"

"I…I'm going to Georgia right now."

"What happened?"

"We…we can't find him."

"What?" My heart sinks.

"I'm coming with you. You can't stop me."

"Pick you up in twenty, be ready."

...

We're on the plane and I am nervously picking my nails. "What happened?"

"He and JJ split up…that's all we know. They split up, he was somehow ambushed, and now he's gone." The rest of the flight passes in practical silence. Hotch tries to take me to a hotel but I refuse. He relents and says that I can come to the house but I have to stay with Garcia and out of everyone else's way. Morgan is looming over Garcia and I am sitting in the corner when her screens go dark and Spencer pops up on all of them. He's tied to a chair and caked with blood. I feel sick. Morgan yells for everyone else and Gideon quickly blocks the screens from my view.

"You don't need to watch this." I sit in the corner and stare at the floor, hearing Spencer talk shakily to the unsub. When the feed goes dark, I watch as Morgan storms out of the room, followed by everyone else. JJ is headed for the front door and I am right on her heels. When she gets out behind an SUV and leans up against it, closing her eyes, I grab her by the shoulder and spin her around.

"What the fuck? You split up and now HE is suffering while you walk around having a pity party. You need to get the fuck over yourself."

"Look, I didn't do any-"

"Yes, you did! You split up! And now Spencer is alone with some psycho with a gun and who knows what else! Stop feeling sorry for yourself and FIND HIM!" I shove her shoulders with both hands and she stumbles back but doesn't fall. Gideon comes out of nowhere and grabs me by the arm, pulling me away.

"Let's take a walk…" He leads me over to another one of the SUVs and opens the back, having me to sit on the edge.

"Now look, he is brilliant. He will find a way to survive this."

"You don't think she's to blame?"

"I didn't say that. I'm saying that until we find him, we need to put blame aside and focus all of our energy on him."

"I'm scared."

"I know. Just hang in there. If you freak out like that again, I'll have no choice but to get you in a hotel. Legally, you aren't even allowed to be here. But we know you would drive yourself crazy sitting in a room waiting so we're trying to give you some leeway."

"Thank you for that."


	20. Chapter 20

**Please Review! Every review will get a shoutout!"**

**Chapter Twenty "Revelations"**

I'm back inside and settle back into my spot in the room with Garcia. Hours and hours pass as sun starts to set on day two. There's been another killing. I am beside myself and sleep deprived. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't even drink anything because I am so sick at my stomach. All of the sudden, Gideon is in the room talking about shutting a video down. Next thing I know, Spencer is back on the screen and he is being beaten. Gideon yells for a deputy to take me outside. After about an hour, they all come storming out the door and into vehicles.

"Ashleigh, you can ride with Morgan and I, but you HAVE to stay in the car."

"Okay…"

…

There are gunshots and I get out but a cop stops me and makes me stay in the SUV. I see the top of his head and take off running but Morgan runs ahead of everyone else and grabs me,

"No. You don't want to see him like this."

"Let me go!"

"Sorry I can't do that. Come on, you can ride with me, we'll meet him at the hospital." He coaxes me into the car and we stay right behind the ambulance.

"Why can't I go with him?"

"Because I need to talk to you. Listen, did you ever sign that POA paperwork?"

"Uh, yeah…why?"

"Good. Now I know that this is going to sound strange but…when they ask you at the hospital about detoxing, don't let them give him anything."

"Detoxing? What are you talking about?"

"He was drugged with dilaudid for two days. He's going to have withdrawals. He's probably going to say things that scare you or hurt your feelings. Just remember that it's not him talking."

"Will…will he be violent?"

"That's where the POA comes in. He's going to ask for painkillers, anything they will give him. Don't let them. Unless the doctor thinks it's necessary. When you refuse, he is likely to lash out. You technically have the right to have him restrained."

"I would never do that."

"You may have to…"

"I can't think about that right now. Just take me to him. I need to see him," I glance at Morgan anxiously as we are pulling into the parking lot of the emergency room. Morgan leads me inside and I sit as far away from JJ as possible. After about an hour, a doctor comes out and looks around the room before approaching Hotch.

"Does he have a wife? Is she here? Or maybe a power of attorney?"

"I…I'm his girlfriend."

"Are you his POA?"

"Yes…"

"Now, do you have a durable power of attorney?"

"I believe so…I think we can get a copy of it if we need to…"

"No that's alright."

"So, is he going to be okay?"

"Well, he suffered multiple brutal beatings along with drugging and-"

"Please. She watched it once already don't make her relive it. Just tell us the extent of his injuries."

"Yes. There was blunt force trauma to the head and we ended up doing nine stitches there. Broken wrist, a few small fractures in his foot, and he hasn't eaten in what looks to be five days, a week maybe."

"But he was only held for two days…" Hotch chimes in. The doctor looks at me nervously before I speak up.

"He uh…he forgets to eat sometimes. He just drinks so much coffee it's like he never gets hungry." Everyone nods in realization and agreement. The doctor still looks nervous though.

"May we talk in private?"

"Umm…okay?" He pulls me aside and speaks in a soft whisper.

"Doctor Reid is suffering from terrible withdrawals. It is my opinion that he should stay until his symptoms have lessened. I believe that this is in his best interest. I cannot stop you if you want to take him home but I highly recommend it."

"Okay…You can keep him."

"Also, with detox patients, we try not to administer any medication unless it is a medical necessity. He is asking for pain medication, but you can override that considering his mental state."

"Just please don't give him any narcotics."

"Yes ma'am. Lastly, we are required by law to get permission to use restraints."

"Is he violent?"

"At the moment, no."

"Then no restraints, I can always change my mind later, correct?"

"Yes, you can."

"Can I please see him? I need to see him."

"Well we haven't gotten him in a room yet so he's still in an ER room. But I don't see why not."

"Thank you." The doctor leads me down a hallway and I can hear Spencer raising his voice. When I walk through the door, his entire demeanor changes.

"Oh, thank god! Ashleigh!" He tightens his arms around me like a vice so hard I can barely breathe.

"Spencer…I was so worried."

"How did you get here?" He pulls back and I study his face. He's still filthy and there's dried blood all the way down his face. They did say he wasn't compliant so I can assume that's the reason nobody has even thought about wiping him down. He's got a gash on his head that's been stitched up and is covered in bruises. There's also a cut on his eye. That's just his face.

"I…I got here three days ago."

"…What?" His expression changes from confusion to realization and then to anger.

"The brought you down here, didn't they?"

"No…not exactly."

"Then how?"

"Well I called Garcia to check on you and then I could tell something was wrong and I wouldn't leave her alone until she brought me with her."

"So, they put you in a hotel?"

"Not exactly…"

"Hotch! Hotch! I know you can hear me! Hotch!"

"Spencer…he's out in the waiting room. Keep your voice down."

"Like hell. You're telling me that they let you sit in that house and watch me be tortured for two days?"

"No! That's not what happened! I only saw bits and pieces. Just until Gideon got in the room. He got me completely outside."

"Oh…good."

"Spencer, you need to stay calm…they've already asked me if you can be restrained and if you don't keep your head I won't be able to stop it."

"I'll try…how long till I'm released?"

"A few days maybe. You have to stay for detox."

"I don't need to detox, I'm fine," he laughs. "Tell them I'm fine."

"I…I can't do that."

"Why?"

"I already signed the paperwork…" He presses his mouth into a hard line and lets go of my hand, leaning back into the pillow.

"I'd like to be alone now. You can let Hotch and Gideon in."

"Spencer…"

"I said leave." His voice is monotone and both of us are struggling to hold back tears. "Now."

"I love you." I kiss his forehead and turn to leave when I hear him whisper.

"Yeah…sure." My heart breaks and when I get out into the waiting room everyone looks at me expectantly.

"He uh…wants Hotch and Gideon." They get up to go through the doors and turn back looking at me expectantly.

"You coming? Sign says three at a time." Gideon raises an eyebrow at me.

"No…He doesn't want to see me." I go back to the corner with Morgan and try my best to hold back the tears.


	21. Chapter 21

**Thank you to my five followers: LeedsUK, giderasia, Lexikkh, Turbo Stryker, and imwiththeband69! Also to the two who have favorited: Lexikkh, and Turbo Stryker! Everyone please review! **

**Chapter Twenty-One**

I sit with my face in my hands and Morgan rubs my back and talks to me.

"Hey girl…it's okay. You guys are gonna get through this."

"He told me to leave."

"That's the drugs talking. After everyone visits with him and they get him into a room, you should go and show him that you aren't going anywhere."

"But what will that do?"

"This kid has got some serious abandonment issues. You just need to give him time and show him that you aren't going anywhere."

"He should already know that."

"He isn't well right now. Just think about what we saw. Do you think that only happened on camera? He endured two days of continuous torture. Physical and Psychological. It's going to take him some time to heal and you need to be the rock while he is."

"It's too much." I look up at him through puffy eyes.

"There was one time, not long after you two got really serious. He was gushing over you on the flight home from a case and I was just letting him roll with it. I'd never seen him like that before. He was almost like a little lovestruck puppy. Anyways, he told me that he could see a life with you. I mentioned the demands of our job, and he told me how resilient you are. He told me that you are steadfast and always put on a brave face. You haven't once let his job interfere with your relationship. You just take it as it comes. He said that because of that, he knows that you two can get through anything if the both of you are _willing to work at it_."

"I never…"

"Just…don't give up on him."

"I won't…" his phone buzzes and he gives me a reassuring look.

"I'm being summoned," he laughs. "Just hang tight."

…

They've gotten Spencer into his own room and I timidly stand in the doorway, watching him flip through his own chart.

"Can I come in?"

'Yeah…" I silently close the door behind me and slowly approach his bed. I tentatively reach out to stroke his face and, to my relief, he leans into my touch.

"Spencer. I'm sorry about before. I don't want you to be in pain. If you really want me to let them give you something, I will. But I can't in good conscious take you home like this. You're lucid now but what if something happens when we're alone? You could have a seizure and then what would I do?"

"I know…" His voice cracks and tears spill out of his eyes. He takes my wrist and pulls me to sit on the edge of the bed, facing him.

"I love you, and I swear to you that I am never going anywhere. You can scream at me and lash out to your heart's desire. If it makes you feel better, channel all of it towards me. I can take it. And when this is over, if you want me to leave and you want to rip up that document, so be it. You can throw me out when we get home if you are so inclined. But, I will not let you die knowing that I can prevent it. I just love you too much." I gently pull him against me and he buries his face in my shoulder and cries. I shift and now I am reclining back against the head of the bed. He's wrapped his arms around me in a vice grip and he is sobbing into my chest, soaking through my shirt in minutes. He mumbles incoherence and I just rub his back and whisper reassurance in his ear.

"We'll get through this. I swear to you that I'm not going anywhere."

"It…I…I was…terr…ified…I…thought…I…woul…would never…see you…a…again." His whole body is shaking and he is gasping.

"Spencer, honey, you're having a panic attack. Breathe…you're going to make yourself sick."

He tries his best to slow his sobs. I don't know how long we lay like this but it's at least an hour. The TV is on and the show has changed a couple of times. Movement catches my eye and I look over to the door. It is halfway open and Gideon is standing on the other side. Spencer can't see him or even register the change in my demeanor, he just takes slow, ragged breaths. Gideon and I make eye contact and he just nods at me. For a moment, I think I see him smile. He mouths 'tomorrow' at me before slipping off and pulling the door shut behind him. Eventually, Spencer calms but he grows completely still before jumping up and limping to the bathroom, pulling his IV with him. I go to check on him and I find him hugging the toilet. I pull his hair back out of his face and when he's done, I hand him a rag. We get back out into the room and he lays across the bed.

"Spencer…I really need to clean you up. At least let me get the dried blood off."

"I can do it…" He goes to push himself up off of the bed and I gently nudge him back down.

"Let me take care of you. That's kind of my job." I kiss the tip of his nose and go to get the bedpan from on top of the little cabinet in his room. I put a little bit of warm water in it and return to his side. His eyes burn into mine and he winces when I get close to the cut on his head. I get as much of the blood as I can off of him without getting too close to the cut on his head. He hisses a breath through his teeth before reaching up and grabbing my wrist tightly.

"That's enough."

"Spencer…"

"I said enough."

"Okay…"

"Can you go tell them to give me something now?"

"Yeah…let me go talk to the doctors."

"Thanks." He leans back into his pillow and I can tell he's starting to become indifferent again. I go out in to the hallway and find the same doctor that I spoke to before coming in here. He agrees to give Spencer something mild to help him rest. When they're gone, he relaxes back in the bed and reaches for my hand. I take his and sit on the edge of the bed with him.

"You should eat something."

"I'm not hungry."

"You haven't eaten in almost a week, Spencer. You threw up nothing but bile and blood earlier. Please? I'll get you some jello…" I say the last part in a sing song voice and grin at him, making him laugh.

"Okay. But I want green jello," he pouches his lip out and I smile, ruffling his hair. There's _my_ Spencer. I sure hope it lasts.


	22. Chapter 22

Thank you to lolyncut for reviewing!

Chapter Twenty-Two

I am sitting in the chair beside Spencer's bed, holding his hand while he sleeps and looking through his chart. They didn't tell me everything, albeit they told me most of it. Granted, he's been so all over the place that the doctors are just doing the best they can with him. Among what I've always been told, he has three broken ribs and a linear skull fracture. Even in his sleep, his body and face are rigid, his jaw is clenched, and his eyebrows are furrowed. I run my thumb lightly over his knuckles which are busted open and still bloody. Maybe he can take a shower when he wakes up, but it's going to be like pulling teeth to get him to let me help. He winces and stirs before his eyes flutter open.

"Hey, sleepyhead."

"How long was I out?"

"About five hours. Thirsty?"

"Very." He pushes himself up and I bring him a cup of water.

"Spencer…we should try to clean you up some more…you'll feel better if I do."

"Okay…It just hurts."

"What hurts?"

"Everything," he whispers and I kiss his forehead before whispering back to him.

"Hold tight. I'll be right back."

…

They've slipped a placebo past him and he seems to calm down enough after this to let me finish cleaning him up. His hair still needs to be washed but they say he can't take a shower until the 48-hour mark. It might mess up his stitches. I get him to eat another cup of jello and a handful of crackers. He leans back into his pillow and looks at me through slit eyes.

"So, can you go out and tell them to give me my real meds now?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm not a fucking idiot, I know that you let them give me a sugar pill."

"Spencer, honey…" He grabs my arms and pulls himself up to face me.

"I told you I'm not stupid! Go and get my meds!" He screams, eyes wide.

"Spencer, stop. You're hurting me…" tears well in my eyes and three nurses barge in the door.

"Sir, you need to let go. Sir. Let go." He pushes me away but doesn't lay back down. The doctor comes in to see what's going on, and I don't even feel like I'm in control of my own body when I speak to him.

"Restrain him," I choke out.

…

I am sitting out on the sidewalk in front of the hospital, smoking for the first time in a month. I'm shaking and I feel like I could be sick. All of the sudden, I feel a hand on my shoulder and I turn around swinging, that's when I see Derek.

"Hey…what are you doing back so soon?"

"We've been gone for like…a full day. It's ten in the morning."

"Oh, it is? How long have we been here?"

"Total, about thirty-six hours."

"Oh…"

"Is…is everything okay?"

"I had to have them restrain Spencer. He told me to leave. So, I'm sitting out here until he's had time to cool off."

"Want me to go and talk to him?"

"It'll probably just agitate him more…"

"Tell me what happened."

"Well, he slept for like five hours and then when he woke up he was in a good mood. He asked for meds but I had them give him a placebo instead. I cleaned him up and then he told me that he knew I had tricked him. He asked for meds and when I hesitated, he grabbed me so hard…I just…for a split second I was afraid. I know Spencer would never hurt me. Ever. But that wasn't Spencer. So, when the nurses and doctor heard the commotion and came running, I told them to restrain him."

"I'm really sorry that you had to make that call…"

"What am I going to do?"

"If you want to take a break and go back to the hotel to rest, you can. I'll stay with him."

"No…that's okay. I just need to take a minute." He starts to walk inside but I stop him.

"Hey Morgan, can I talk to you about something?"

"Sure…anything." He sits down next to me on the sidewalk.

"Is it bad that, even though Spencer is out of his mind right now, I can still picture myself having kids with him? Getting married…the works?"

"I don't think that's a bad thing at all. I know you guys can get through this."

"It's like my body wants to just go home and curl under the covers and wait for him to come home, hoping it was all just a dream. But my heart is keeping me tethered to him. Like I just want to give up, but I need to be strong for him. I have to be."

"I know. I know."

…

Morgan bursts through the door and Spencer gives him a look filled with venom.

"Did you tell her to restrain me?"

"Shut up and listen. Look, I know that you're having a hard time controlling your thoughts and actions. I know you are having mood swings off the charts. I get it. But that girl is sitting outside, bawling her eyes out. She is terrified for you, and you still have the nerve to try and get physical? No. That isn't you. If I were her, I'd be halfway back to DC by now. You have a keeper out there. Treat her like it. Oh, and speaking of which, do you realize that she's sitting out there with indentions of your fingertips in her arm where you grabbed her. It's starting to bruise. Yeah, it's just three little dots. Yeah, you didn't mean to grab her that hard and you don't even remember doing it, but I guarantee that the real Spencer wouldn't have grabbed her at all. Meanwhile, she's sitting out there and talking about having kids and getting married? That just goes to show how committed she is to you. You're lying in a bed being an ass and she's thinking about the possibility of kids. That right there shows how much she loves you. Get your shit together, kid" Reid sits dumbfounded before Morgan softens.

"Just…try to be nicer to her okay? She's trying her best to help you and you're shitting all over her."

"I...I'll try." he bows his head and Morgan relents, going to sit next to him.

"Want me to go get her?"

"No. She needs a break."


	23. Chapter 23

**Thank you to lolyncut for reviewing! Everyone please review! **

**Chapter Twenty Three**

Spencer has been restrained for a full day. Hospital policy. Apparently, when they need to restrain somebody, the restraints stay on for a full 24 hours. Spencer rubs his wrists when they take them off. He hasn't said much the past day. That's good because he hasn't lashed out, however, it's not good because I feel like he's shutting me out.

"Would it be okay if I took a shower?" He looks up to the nurse questioningly.

"Of course. Do you need help?" I know it's just her job, but there's a hint of flirtation to her voice and fleeting anger washes over me. I start to say something but Spencer interjects.

"No thanks. Ashleigh takes good care of me." I can tell this irritates her but she remains professional and leaves the room, shutting the door behind herself. I help him take the boot off of his foot and hobble into the bathroom where I untie the gown for him.

"Please tell me you have my go bag."

"Yep."

"Good cause I'm not putting that thing back on," he laughs and I run a hand along his face.

"Baby, you could go stark naked 24/7 and I'd be just fine."

"Oh yeah, this," he motions down his body. "This right here is the definition of sexy," he scoffs. He's right though, I didn't realize because he hasn't taken his clothes off. He is absolutely covered in bruises. His torso is the worst, with deep purple covering his ribs and what looks to be where he was kicked in the stomach. Damn, I wouldn't want to eat either. There's a big one down his leg, no doubt from being dragged around like a rag doll. He snaps me out of my revere when he reaches to wipe a stray tear off of my cheek. I didn't even realize I was crying.

"Please don't cry..."

"I'm sorry, Spencer." I lean over and turn the water on.

"Come here, you've got too much on to be getting in the shower." He helps me out of my clothes and holds my hand as we step in together. I finally get him to sit on the little shower chair and it makes washing his hair so much easier. Granted, it still takes forever to wash out all of the matted blood. Next thing I know, he's pulled me around in front of him and I'm standing in between his legs.

"You are so beautiful."

"What's gotten into you?" I giggle.

"Well, Morgan came up here and gave me a swift kick in the ass for being such a jerk to you."

"I promise I didn't put him up to that..."

"I know. I know you wouldn't. But it opened my eyes. And I've been pretty shitty the past couple of days. You don't deserve that."

"I know you can't help it."

"That's no excuse though," he pulls me against him and I feel him growing hard against my leg.

"Woah there. Down boy, we can't have sex in the hospital," I laugh.

He's in a lot better spirits when he climbs back into bed.

"Thank you for knowing exactly what I needed."

"It's no problem." I kiss his forehead and he surprises me, grabbing my face and pulling me down, kissing me forcefully.

"I'm trying. I promise you that. I'm trying so hard and I swear to you that I'll try harder."

"I know. I love you."

"I love you too."

I start to get up but he grabs my arm, pulling me to lay back down next to him.

"Sleep with me?" His expression is almost childlike. And I can't turn him down. I settle back into his arms, with my face against his throat and I kiss his Adam's apple. He runs a hand through my hair and that's when the exhaustion washes over me. I haven't slept since...since we got here actually. So Four days. 96 hours. I can barely hear him whisper another 'I love you' before I finally succumb to sleep.


	24. Chapter 24

**Is anyone still reading? Please review! **

**Chapter Twenty Four**

We're mulling around the room when there is a soft knock on the door and Gideon enters.

"You two ready?"

"Yeah..." Spencer's voice is raspy and strained today. He looks like absolute hell. Everything I've read has said that symptoms usually peak around the 72 hour mark. And here we are right at it. The doctors have tried to persuade me to keep him here but the team is leaving today and so are we. I've kept him here for three days and I'm pretty confident I can handle him now that I know what to do. The nurse reluctantly has me to sign his discharge papers saying that I am removing him of my own free will and the hospital/doctors will not be held liable for his early release. We get to the plane before anyone else and Spencer sits on the couch, wrapping a blanket around himself.

"Hey Spence, want me to get you some coffee?" He just blinks and nods, shivering. I can hear them muttering back and forth but can't make much of it out. What I can make out is Spencer asking for a psychological evaluation. He knows it's inevitable. Gideon shuts him down and tells him to take the medical leave he's been offered and do an evaluation when he returns to the field. I go back into the cabin and start to sit in the seats across from the couch, Gideon is sitting on the other side of the table. Spencer catches my wrist just as I sit our cups on the table and pulls me down beside him on the couch. His grip is uncomfortable but I don't react. I just stroke the back of his hand until he loosens his hold and I hand him is coffee. Gideon gives me a look of question but doesn't say anything. Moments later, everyone else starts to file onto the jet. Everyone takes turns asking Spencer how he feels but nobody lingers for too long. Everyone except for JJ. She looks him over like she is going to say something but after a pointed glare from me she decides against it and goes to sit as far away from me as possible. After about twenty minutes, Spencer is slumped against my shoulder so I lower him down gently to lay on the couch. Hotch comes to sit across from me.

"How's he been? The past couple of days? I thought about coming to check in but I figured Morgan would have more luck."

"Yeah...I won't lie and say that he's okay, because he's not. But I will say that he WILL be okay. In time. He's just sick."

"Well if there's anything you need, don't hesitate to ask."

"Thanks." He starts to get up but something catches his eye and he pulls me back into the little nook where they make coffee and stuff.

"What happened to your arm?"

"Oh it's nothing. I'm just clumsy," I say, covering it with my hand self consciously.

"Did Reid-"

"No. Not exactly. He got agitated and grabbed me by the arm. He doesn't even remember. It happened before he even came down. He was still high as a kite when it happened."

"Has anything happened since he crashed?"

"No. Nothing. That's not Spencer. He would never ever hurt me. And no matter what he would never ever actually hit me. He just grabbed my arm. That's it. And he didn't realize how hard he was doing it. He was scared and for a split second he didn't know who I was. I don't even think he knew who he was. He drew back and for a second I thought he would hit me. But then he stopped himself and just grabbed me by the arms. That's all that happened."

"Do you think he needs extra help?"

"Like what?"

"Counseling? Maybe rehabilitation?"

"Absolutely not. You know as well as I do that if you report the full details of what happened to him that it will have a serious impact on his career. If I think that we need outside help I will let you know. Just...give him a couple weeks to level out on his own?"

"I can't officially approve of this."

"I know."

"And if anyone on this team were to help you try to help him get better, they could be implicated for not reporting it."

"I know."

"So be discreet."

"Thank you..." I turn to walk away but he places a hand on my shoulder to stop me.

"And...call my personal line if you need anything from me. Reid has the number."

"Wait...you have two phones?"

"Team leader." He raises an eyebrow at me and laughs, leading me back to the cabin where everyone else is. I sit down beside Spencer's head and within seconds he has shifted up, his head now resting on my lap. Everyone has congregated in the front of the cabin to give us some space and I'm grateful for this. Gideon remains across from us but he looks to be asleep. I tentatively run my fingers over Spencer's face, tracing the cut above his eye and the one on the side of his head. My throat aches and my eyes burn from holding back tears. But I can't break down here. And I can't break down in front of him. So for now I'll just try to breathe and get through the day.


	25. Chapter 25

Thank you to Lolyncut for ALWAYS reviewing! Also thank you for letting me know that the chapter was messed up! Please review.

Chapter Twenty Five

Spencer hasn't said a single word throughout the entire flight, and since we landed. I almost jump out of my seat when he finally speaks as we're pulling onto the interstate back to D.C. from Quantico.

"So, what did Hotch want?"

"What do you mean?"

"He pulled you aside on the plane. When I was resting."

"You weren't asleep?"

"No. Catnapping is more like it. I figure Hotch saw right through me. Was it supposed to be some secret?" Oh shit. Mood swing time.

"No. No secret. He was just asking me about my arm."

"So what, he thinks I'm hitting you?"

"No, Spencer. He is just worried about you. Told me to call his personal number if I needed him and keep everything hush hush. He's just trying to help you keep your job." He doesn't say a word, just fixes his eyes on the road ahead of us.

"Do you want anything specific for dinner?"

"No. I do want some Tylenol or something. Maybe cold medicine. Does cold medicine work on withdrawal symptoms? I mean I feel like I have the flu times a thousand."

"I'll stop by the pharmacy and see what I can find."

"Ugh, do I have to get out?"

"No. You can stay right here."

...

I ended up just stopping at Walmart. Mainly so I could get him some jello and crackers since I doubt he will eat anything else. When we finally get home, he stalks into the bedroom and slams the door behind himself, making me jump. I just sigh and follow behind him, going straight through the bedroom and into the bathroom. I quickly empty the clothes from both of our bags into the hamper and take the sack out of it, stalking back out. When I come back through the door, Spencer is sitting at the table eating jello.

"You got the green jello!"

"Hey now, I know how to take care of my man." I kiss the top of his head and he pulls me into his lap, trying to hide the fact that he winces when he pulls me against him.

"You okay?"

"Yeah...yeah I'm good. Would you want to lay down with me? For a while?"

"Of course." I get up off of his lap and take his hand, leading him into the bedroom.

...

Spencer shuffles into the kitchen just as I'm putting some soup into a bowl for him.

"Chicken noodle?" He raises an eyebrow at me and gives me a boyish grin.

"With crackers and the noodles are broken up."

"Oh good. You know I'm useless with noodles."

"I had a feeling," I smirk. He settles on the barstool across from me and eats slowly, not saying anything. Again, this makes me nervous but at least he seems to be in a pretty neutral mood. Well, here goes nothing.

"So I got a call earlier from work...I told them I would have to call them back. I'm supposed to let them know something in an hour."

"If you need to go to work then you need to go. I think I can handle myself for a few hours."

"I just...well. What if you need me?"

"I can call you."

"Do you think maybe we should see if someone wants to come and hang out with you while I'm gone?"

"I don't need a babysitter," he snaps.

"Okay. Okay. I'll let my boss know."

"I'm not a child, by the way."

"I never said you were..."

"You literally just tried to get me to let you find a babysitter for me. Do you really not trust me? What do you think I'll do?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe have a fucking seizure! Which is likely considering how bad you are withdrawing."

"Oh..."

"What did you think I thought?"

"Nothing...it's stupid. Look, you can't put your life on hold. You have obligations and I have to make sure you keep them. I won't hold you back. What if we checked in every hour or so?"

"Okay...that works. I'm going to take a shower." As I'm walking away I hear him mutter.

"Sure you can trust me long enough?..." I just shake my head and ignore him. Once I'm in the shower, I completely break down. I can't control or silence my sobs. I know that Spencer hears me because I barely register the soft clicking of his boot. He's coming into the bedroom. After a few minutes, the bathroom door creeks open and I can feel him ease in behind me. He gently turns me and guides my head to rest on his chest. I don't know how long we stand here. Eventually I've cried so hard for so long that I am lunging for the toilet, sitting on the bathroom floor naked and vomiting. Spencer drapes a towel around me and sits on the side of the tub, holding my hair back. I know he's trying. But I can't help but feel like he's also going through the motions. Eventually he coaxes me into the bedroom and slips a T-shirt over my head before we cuddle up together. He hasn't said a single word. He's just held me this entire time and for that I'm grateful. I know that he isn't himself, but this simple act shows me that he is genuinely trying to get better. So I close my eyes and relax into him, knowing that I will most likely wake to a different reality.


	26. Chapter 26

Thank you to Lolyncut for catching the problem with the last chapter! It has been fixed! Please review!

Chapter Twenty Six

Luckily, I was able to only work half a day. Spencer texted me a few minutes ago to let me know he was laying down for a nap. I figure he's already asleep but I go ahead and text him back. I open the door quietly so I don't disturb him and tiptoe to the bedroom door. For some reason he never closes the door completely if he's in a room alone. I peek through the crack in the door and that's when I see him tightening a belt around his arm. Before I can even think about what I'm doing, I throw the door open and rush to him.

"What the fuck are you doing Spencer?"

"You're supposed to be at work..."

"I left early! I was worried about you!" He acts like I'm not even in the room and goes to stick a needle down into a little glass bottle, which I slap out of his hand and it skids across the floor.

"No!" He pushes me out of his way and I stumble back, falling to the floor. I lunge at him and trip him. I know the fall has to hurt like a bitch but at the moment, I don't care. All I care about is getting that damn bottle away from him. I grab it and suddenly he is halfway on top of me, trying to pry it out of my hands. I knock him off of me and run into the bathroom, smashing the glass against the sink because I'm afraid I won't be able to get it open and I'm right. He catches up with me just as the bottle breaks. Pieces of glass stick into my hand, but I don't care. My adrenaline is pumping and I don't even feel it. He grabs my shoulders and spins me around.

"Why in the FUCK I would you do that?! What the fuck is wrong with you!" His eyes are wild and he's screaming in my face but I just scream back.

"Why would you do this?! Spencer, what were you trying to do?"

"Because I want to forget!" He tries to pull away from me but it's my turn to grab him and hold him in place.

"I'm warning you, let me go right fucking now." He swats my hands away and storms out of the bathroom. I lean back against the wall and close my eyes, trying to take deep breaths and calm myself down. I don't know how much time passes but I eventually go out to check on him. There's one problem. I can't find him anywhere. I check my phone and see that he texted me half an hour ago. Four words.

"Don't bother waiting up." I sigh and wrestle with the decision before finally calling Derek. He's here within within 20 minutes, bursting through the door.

"What's going on?"

"Spencer's gone. I don't know where he went. We got in a huge fight."

"Over what?" He looks around and sees that the apartment is completely trashed. A chair is flipped over, table on its side and the lamp shattered beside it. The barstool he usually hangs his coat on is tipped against the counter.

"Woah, are you bleeding?"

"Oh...yeah. I guess I am." I glance down and see blood trickling down my fingers, a piece of glass is still stuck right below my wrist. I absentmindedly turn and walk toward the bathroom with him on my heels. He takes in the sight of the bathroom door, which has a dent in the bottom of it from Spencer kicking it open. And then he sees the shattered glass still in the sink, the paper is on it. He knows. He gives me a look of sympathy and goes to get a rag out of the cabinet, instructing me to sit on the sink. I sit quietly while he pulls little shards of glass from my hand with tweezers. After he's put medicine on it, he is bandaging it up when he finally speaks.

"Did Spencer touch you?"

"He didn't do this. He grabbed my shoulders and yelled at me. But that wasn't Spencer. I don't know who that man was. But he wasn't my Spencer." My eyes well with tears and he rubs my arm sympathetically.

"What was his intent?"

"I think he was just freaked out."

"You don't have to make excuses."

"I'm not making excuses! He is sick!"

"Okay okay. What do you need?"

"Please go find him. I'll wait here in case he comes home and I'll try to clean this mess up."

"Okay. I'll have Garcia come and sit with you. Keep trying to call him!" He runs out the door before I can protest.


	27. Chapter 27

Thank you to lolyncut for reviewing! Everyone please review! Chapter

Twenty Seven

It's been hours but Derek can't find him anywhere. Penelope goes out to help him and I am left alone with my thoughts. Another hour or so passes before I hear the door creek open. Spencer is sagging against Derek's shoulder with an arm slung around his neck to hold himself up.

"There you are! Hey Morgan! We found my house!"

"Yeah Pretty Boy, I told you that I knew where I was going." He rolls his eyes and deposits Spencer unceremoniously onto the couch. He groans when he slams down and clutches his side.

"Oops. My bad. Hope it hurt."

"Morgan! What's wrong with you!" I reach out to rub Spencer's back.

"Tough love, Ashleigh. I'm practicing tough love. Do you need help getting him to bed?"

"No I got him."

"I'll be back in the morning when you sober up, Kid. Don't even think you are getting off this easy." Once he and Garcia are gone, I deadbolt the door and turn back to Spencer who is sprawled across the couch. I go and take his hand, pulling him to stand beside me and I help/guide him into the bedroom. I ease him down on the bed and go to get a rag to clean him up. He's filthy and the smell of alcohol is rolling off of him. I finally managed to get him cleaned up and changed before helping him settle back into bed and curling up beside him, thankful that he's at least home and safe. The rest we can figure out tomorrow.

...

Spencer staggers our of the bedroom and toward the coffee pot.

"Good morning Honey, what happened last night?"

"Well I was pissed. Super super pissed. And so I was gonna walk it off. I ended up at a bar a few blocks away. Didn't make it far at all without the boot on. Every step hurt but I had to calm down. Anyways, I drank a little bit. And when I calmed down I decided to head home. Took a detour, fell into a bush. Got out of it and just sat on a bench. I was trying to sober up a little before I moved again. That's when Morgan found me." He looks down and absentmindedly stirs his coffee.

"Spencer, we need help."

"I know." He sniffles and looks up at me, tears silently rolling down his cheeks.

"Maybe not a hospital. Maybe something like narcotics anonymous?"

"You need to have me admitted."

"What?"

"I had Garcia send this over." He limps over to where his bag is on the counter and pulls out a small stack of crumpled papers.

"What is this?"

"She emailed it to me yesterday. Well she emailed it to you from her personal computer but same difference. I asked for it. It's information on a facility."

"You want me to have you committed?"

"Not exactly. It's basically the same idea. Basically, if i walk in there myself I can leave anytime. But if you PUT me in the program, I have to stick it out. And you have the power to do that. They'll do a 72 hour psych hold. I can't have any outside contact during that time. Then if they decide I'm not a risk to myself or others, I can be released into outpatient. I'll still have to check in and be under watch though."

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yes."

"Why? Did I do something?"

"You've done everything. You've done way more than you should ever have to. Yesterday you wrestled a bottle of dilaudid out of my hand. You know you have six bruises and three cuts?"

"How would you know that?"

"I woke up in the middle of the night. And I counted."

"Spencer..."

"The really scary part is, I don't remember any of it. At all. And that terrifies me. I'm so scared that I might hurt you. I need professional help."

"If this is what you want to do, and if you think that it'll help, then we will." I tentatively approach him and he folds his arms around me, burying his face in my hair.

...

When I get home from dropping Spencer off, the apartment is a different kind of empty. I'm used to him being gone, but I don't know how to deal with this kind of gone. He's twenty minutes away but I won't hear a peep from him for the next three days. I've never felt so lonely. I go into his side of the closet and dig out my favorite shirt of his and wrap it around myself. I curl up on his pillow, worrying.

...

It's day two and school has started back for me. Granted, I'm just going through the motions. It's all I can do not to check him out early, even though I know he will be home tomorrow. Amber comes out of nowhere.

"Hey, where have you been? How's Spencer?"

"What do you mean?"

"Haven't heard hide not hair from you in like a week. Everyone went out for dinner and drinks last night but I missed y'all. Derek said there was a hard case in Georgia?"

"What all did he tell you?" I try to keep my anger from showing.

"Nothing really. He didn't even tell me what it was about. Just said that sometimes cases hit home and that's probably why Spencer isn't feeling very social. Oh and he told me something happened to his foot so he was having a hard time getting around?"

"Uh, yeah. He fractured his foot. That's it. He's on medical leave."

"Ugh hows he doing with that? I know the poor guy isn't good at the whole relaxing thing."

"He's doing fine," I snap and walk away. The rest of the day passes without issue. I end up with a text from her, apologizing. I tell her that it's okay and we just need some space.


	28. Chapter 28

**Thank you to lolyncut for reviewing! **

**Chapter Twenty Eight**

Around lunch time, Spencer's phone rings. It's Bennington. Oh fuck.

"Um...hello?"

"Doctor Reid?"

"No...this is Ashleigh. His girlfriend. Has something happened to Diana?"

"No, not at all,"

"Oh, thank goodness," I breathe a sigh of relief.

"I'm actually calling because well, she insisted. She hasn't heard from Dr. Reid in about a week and she worries."

"Oh. He's alright!" I lie. "He's just been busy. They've had like three cases in the past week," I fake a laugh. "Should I have him call when he gets back? He forgot his phone this morning."

"If you don't care to. I'll let her know he's alright."

"Thank you!" I hang up the phone and make a mental note to have Spencer call her before walking out the door. Time to go get him.

...

When Spencer comes out to the car he's noticeably thinner. He seems to be in his right mind. They wouldn't have let him go if he wasn't. He's just physically ill.

"Have you been okay?"

"You look like hell and you're asking about me?"

"I've thought about you the entire time."

"I'm okay. I've been dealing. Your mom's doctor called today."

"Is she okay?"

"Yeah she's fine. Just worried. Hasn't heard from you in a week."

"I'll give her a call when we get home. Did you bring my phone?"

"Yeah." I pass it to him.

"Okay I'll go ahead and call her." After talking to three people he finally gets through to his mother.

"Hey, Mom. Is everything okay?...Yeah I'm alright. We've just been super busy...I'm sorry...yes I'll be careful...okay I'll tell her...I love you too...bye Mom." He puts his phone in his pocket and sighs as we pull up to the building.

"She's not happy with me."

"It's okay, Spencer. You can't help it."

"I know...hey babe?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think we can have those chicken and dumplings for dinner?" He looks at me with big doe eyes as we ascend the stairs.

"Coming right up," I grin at him. We get inside and I busy myself in the kitchen while he goes to take a shower. He comes out of the bedroom twenty minutes later, hair still dripping.

"So what did your mom say?"

"Oh she tore me a new one. Said she's been worried to death. Because you know she usually hears from me every single day. Told me she was glad I'm safe and to never to that again."

"Poor woman."

"Yeah I need to go see her before I go back to work."

"We can do that," I smile at him. "Go on and relax. I'll let you know when dinner is ready."

"Okay." He gives me a shy smile and kisses my forehead. "Love you."

"Love you too."

...

I am curled up beside Spencer on the couch, studying while he eats. He's watching some old sci-fi show and I revel in how normal this feels. It's almost like I have Spencer back. This is the Spencer that I know and fell in love with. This is my Spencer.

"Hey," He whispers and sets his bowl down, pulling me against him and wiping a tear from my cheek. I didn't even realize I was crying.

"No tears..."

"I'm sorry..."

"What is it?"

"I was just...I was thinking about how normal this is. And how I finally have you back. But then I realized that it's not going to last."

"I swear I'll fight like hell to beat this. Just please don't give up."

"I know. I won't."

"I just love you so much."

"I love you too." I feel like I'm not in control of my own body when I crawl into his lap and drape my arms around his neck, kissing him. Suddenly, he shifts and is laying on top of me. I reach down and try to unbutton his pants but he grabs my hands, stopping me and breaking our kiss.

"Not here. Not like this. Come to bed with me. Let me love you."

"Okay," I whisper.


	29. Chapter 29

**Thank you to lolyncut for reviewing! **

**Chapter Twenty Nine**

I wake up to Spencer staring at me intently and I give him a breathy laugh before he kisses me deeply.

"Good morning, love."

"Good morning to you too. How are you feeling?" I play with the hair on the back of his head, twirling it around my fingers.

"Rough. But I'm in good spirits. What time do you have to be at school?"

"First class starts at 8:15."

"Let me take you?" He gives me the puppy dog eyes.

"Only if you take me out for coffee," I tease.

"It's a date. Hurry up and get ready. It's 6:30." He playfully swats my butt and peels himself off of the bed.

...

Spencer took me out to our favorite coffee shop and now he not only drive me to school but he insists on walking me to class. He's carrying my bag in one hand and has the other arm sling over my shoulders. I feel terrible because he's still limping along in the boot. Granted he's gotten really good and maneuvering it around and he can actually walk faster than I can. We are on a bench outside of the hall I need to be in and he kisses my forehead.

"What time do I need to pick you up?"

"One. We need to be across town by two. You have an appointment with the orthopedic to see if you need PT. Oh and on the way we need to stop and check in with your sponsor."

"Do I have to go to the doctor?"

"Yes. No buts. It's my job to get you better. Now, go home and get some rest."

"See you at one." He cranes his neck and gives me a chaste kiss before walking away. I watch him for a moment and suddenly he turns and calls back to me.

"Love you!"

"Love you more!" I grin and turn to walk the rest of the way back to class.

...

I'm headed to my 11:00 and Amber joins me as usual.

"Hey! How's things going?"

"Pretty good," I smile at her, still on cloud nine from last night. My mind drifts as I think about it. Spencer can really use his mouth.

"I saw you with Spencer this morning. When does he get the boot off?"

"We're going to the orthopedic for a follow up today."

"Oh good. I wonder if they'll have him do any physical therapy."

"They probably will, considering the extent of his injuries." I say matter-of-factly.

"What do you mean, considering the extent of his injuries?..." she looks at me funny and I try my best to back pedal.

"Uhm...I mean...how about you call me tonight I don't wanna talk about it here..."

"Okay...if that's what you want."

...

Spencer stalks out of the rehab center and slams the car door shut behind him. I'm right behind him, though I hung back to apologize for his behavior. When I get in the car and start to drive away, he blows up.

"Can you believe that guy!"

"Spencer, he was just doing his job."

"So his job is to treat me like a criminal?"

"All he asked was to see your arms I hardly think-"

"Shut up and let me think," he snaps. My throat is thick with emotion but I don't react.

"And I'm not fucking deaf, by the way. I heard what you said to him."

"I only apologized for you acting like a petulant child."

"A petulant child?"

"Yep."

"Care to elaborate?"

"No not really." I make a sharp right turn which catches him off guard and his head pops on the window.

"What the fuck? Where are you going?"

"Home. Take yourself to the doctor."

"Ashleigh I-"

"Shut up. We can talk later when you're done with your hissy fit."

"Fine."

...

I'm sitting on the couch, trying to focus on studying when Spencer comes through the door, slouching. He goes straight for the couch and plops down, his head falling back and looks up to the ceiling.

"Spence?" I close my book and sit up, touching his shoulder but he swats my hand away.

"No. Don't fucking touch me! Get away!" I jump, horrified but I quickly realize that he's either hallucinating or dreaming when he speaks again.

"Dad...no. Please. Don't. Who?...no!" He jumps up off the couch, startled.

"Wha...what happened?"

"You tell me."

"How...I was in the car..."

"You walked in the door. Staggered is more like it. You okay?"

"Yeah...I'm okay. I'm not feeling too good."

"Maybe you should lie down..."

"Yeah..."

"What did the Ortho say?"

"PT starting tomorrow."

"Good. Maybe that will help with your moods too."

"I'm going to bed if you're just going to sit there and bitch."

"Spencer I wasn't bitching I was just-"

"Save it, I'm going to bed." He holds a hand up, silencing me. This feature also pisses me the fuck off.

"While you're at it, you can fuck yourself tonight. I'm meeting amber."

"Have fun." He rolls his eyes and stalks into the bedroom.

...

When I get down to my car, I am disgusted. There's an empty bottle and a needle laying in the passenger seat. He shot up.

...

A/N- I would like to say that, while I know parts of this are hard to read, I feel as if it is necessary. In no way do I want to gloss over how difficult and painful addiction is. I promise that it WILL get better. Just hang in there. As always, thanks for reading and please review!


	30. Chapter 30

Thank you to lolyncut for reviewing!

Chapter Thirty

Before I can stop myself, I am taking the stairs two at a time and bursting through the door to our apartment. I rush into the bedroom and find Spencer spread eagle on the bed. I yank the pillow out from underneath his head and my anger gets the best of me. He shoots up and just looks at me, eyes filled with venom.

"You've really fucked up this time." I throw the empty bottle and syringe at him and storm back out, I'm driving away when I see him halfway running/halfway limping out of the building barefoot.

...

I walk into Ambers apartment clutching the plastic bag tightly in my hand. She's sitting on her couch watching tv.

"Hey! What's going on?"

"Spencer and I had a fight. Have you talked to Derek?"

"Yeah."

"Did he tell you? I told him that he could."

"Yeah he told me."

"I'm just...I'm having a really hard time. Could I maybe..."

"What's in your hand?"

"Pregnancy tests."

...

I've been here for almost eight hours now and there's a loud pounding at the door. Amber rushes over to answer it and Spencer rushes through, hands knotted in his hair and he's pacing. He hasn't even seen me yet. She inconspicuously motions me out of his line of sight. I stand on the other side of the wall, peeking through the doorway.

"Where is she? Have you seen her? I can't find her anywhere. I really fucked yo this time. So bad. She even told me so."

"Woah woah woah. Calm down. What happened?" She asks as if she doesn't already know every horrifying detail.

"I...I shot up. I used dilaudid. We got into an argument when we were leaving the rehabilitation center. I have to go there to check in every day. She went home. Made me go to my follow up alone. I was so pissed at her. And I was afraid I would go home and start a fight. I was afraid I would hurt her but...if I take dilaudid I'm not physically capable of much at all. So I took it. In her car. Before walking inside. And I guess I passed out or something because I woke up and was confused so I went inside but I left the bottle and the needle and she found them and she came in and yelled at me and I thought it was a dream so I passed out again but when I woke up she was gone and I remembered where she said she was going and I...I...I..." He sits on the couch and puts his head between his legs. Amber rushes to his side and talks to him, trying to calm him down.

"Listen. You need to chill out a little and listen to me. She was here. I sent her for takeout. We talked about it and she's okay now. She's hurt but she's off the ledge. She planned to come home as soon as we are dinner."

"Really?" He sniffles and looks up at her.

"What you need to do is go home, sober up, take a shower and wait. She will be home soon. You didn't hear it from me."

"How do I apologize? What do I say? When I saw the hurt in her eyes, my heart shattered. And then when I woke up and realized she was gone, I didn't want to live anymore. If she leaves me I will NOT go on living. Please you gotta help me get her back."

"Just talk to her and tell her how you feel."

"Thanks..."

"Now go home and wait for your girl."

...

I hesitantly turn the doorknob to our apartment and walk in. I am almost knocked down by Spencer pulling me against him.

"I am so sorry. So so sorry. I don't know what came over me. I'm sorry. Please don't leave. I love you so much please."

"I love you too. I'm not going anywhere shhh. I just needed time to think."

"Why were you gone so long?"

"I god kinda freaked out."

"By what?..."

"Spencer...I'm pregnant."


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter Thirty One**

Spencer's arms drop to his sides and he visible deflated before gripping my shoulders.

"What...how...how is this possible? Did you do this on purpose?"

"No! Why would you say that?!"

"I know I know..." he shakes his head and let's go of me, pacing around the apartment.

"No no no. This isn't right. No not now."

"Spencer calm down..."

"Just let me think. How far along?"

"I don't know. I literally just took the test tonight."

"We need to get you into an OBGYN. And we gotta go to the store. You need prenatal vitamins. Lots of them."

"Spenc-"

"When was the last time you ate?"

"About an hour ago..."

"What did you have?"

"Mexican-"

"No! No spicy food!"

"Spencer! Would you just shut up and breathe! Seriously. You're stressing me out."

"Well damn! This poor baby is going to have a terrible start at life."

"Why would you say that?"

"Look at me! Am I really fit to be a father right now?!"

"No, you're not."

"Exactly! What the fuck am I going to do?"

"You need to go to an inpatient rehab." I reach into my back pocket and pass him a pamphlet.

"Where did you get this?"

"I got it on my way home. I won't force you to do this. But I SWEAR to you that if you do, I will be waiting for you when you get home. It's a month. You can do a month. This specific rehab is for people with families AND government officials, law enforcement, etc."

"So what's that supposed to mean?"

"You can still work remotely. We can talk every day. And I can visit you once a week. Just think about it?"

"I will."

"Can we go to bed?"

"You can't seriously be in the mood."

"No...I just need you to hold me. Please?"

"That can be arranged."

I slip on one of his shirts and cuddle up next to him. He tries to hide his erection and I try to ignore it.

"Sorry baby...seeing you in my shirt...does things to me."

"I understand," I laugh and wince at a sharp pain in my stomach but ultimately ignore it as I snuggle closer to him.

...

*Three Days Later*

Spencer is going to go in day after tomorrow. He's been trying his best but we've still decided that this is the best option. I am deep in thought, laying in his arms when I get a terrible shooting pain in my abdomen. It feels like I'm being stabbed. It hurts so bad that I cry out and wake Spencer. He sits straight up, confused and looking around the room.

"What was that?"

"Me," I whimper as the tears begin to flow.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"It hurts...It hurts so bad. Bathroom."

"What hurts?" His hands flutter over me hurriedly and his face is completely etched with worry.

"My stomach! I need the bathroom!" He gently helps me out of bed and slowly leads me to the bathroom. I can barely stand up. He makes me keep my eyes trained on him the entire time for fear I'll pass out.

"Can I have some water?"

"Yeah. Be right back. Don't move." He eases me down onto the closed toilet lid and rushes out of the bathroom. That's when I see it. Droplets of blood on the floor. He runs back into the room and hands me the bottle. I look at him through tear filled eyes.

"I...I need you to take me to the hospital."


	32. Chapter 32

**Thank you to lolyncut for reviewing! **

**Chapter Thirty Two**

Spencer carries me into the emergency room, though I can tell that every step for him is agony.

"Someone help her...please...please help her she's bleeding."

I am rushed back and out onto a gurney. They try to get Spencer to go to the waiting room but I grasp his hand so tightly that he hisses a breath through his teeth. Must have gotten him with my nails.

"Don't you dare send him away. He stays with me." I growl and they relent. Three hours, multiple scans, and about a gallon of blood drawn later, I am finally told I can rest while waiting. They determined that I am miscarrying, but can't find the cause of all of the blood. I finally talk Spencer into sitting with me in bed. I sob into his shoulder and he sits stoically, rubbing my back and whispering words of comfort.

"I love you so much. So so much. I can't imagine the pain that you're in. I swear I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you I swear."

"You didn't do this!" I blubber into his shirt as my body shakes with new sobs.

"My actions did." He takes a shaky breath and tightens his hold on me. I can feel the top of my head growing wet. He's silently sobbing into my hair. After a while, the doctor comes back in, solemn faced.

"The fetus was at sixteen weeks. We will need to remove it."

"Wha-what?" I choke.

"You've also been diagnosed with mild hemophilia. That is the source of the blood. We will need to go in and preform the removal."

"When will that be?"

"I have you scheduled for 8am. We will do it as an outpatient procedure. You should be out of here by noon."

"Thank you..."

"I am sorry for your loss."

"I have one question...can...can I see the baby? After it's born?"

"If you wish to."

"Is it a boy or a girl?"

"It looks to be a girl. But images are grainy at best at this stage. We won't know for sure until we do the removal."

"Thank you doctor." Spencer cuts him off as I start to shake again. He quickly leaves the room after the look of venom from Spencer. I turn my face back into his shoulder and cry again.

"Do you want me to call anyone? Maybe Amber?"

"No...no. I want your team."

"Why?"

"Just get them here. Now." I don't give him an option. He nods and slides out of bed, walking out into the hallway and presumably outside to make the small.

...

Everyone has taken turns visiting with me. They let three at a time back so first it was Penelope, Emily, and JJ. Now Hotch, Morgan, and Gideon are standing in front of me, unsure of what to say or why I even asked them back here without Spencer.

"I need you guys to do me a favor."

"Anything," Gideon says.

"They aren't going to let Spencer come back into surgery with me. I don't care if you have to drag him kicking and screaming to the psych ward. Do NOT let him hurt himself. He is completely racked with guilt."

"We promise."

"Thanks. Can you send Spencer back in now?"

"Of course."

Spencer comes into the room silently and is by my side in seconds, holding my hand and kissing my forehead.

"How you doing?"

"I'm okay."

"I'm so sorry," his voice breaks and he ducks his head to hide his eyes. I put my free hand under his chin and make him look at me. His eyes are darker than normal, red rimmed and bloodshot. Partially from withdrawal, but mostly from crying.

"You didn't do this."

"We won't know that for sure until after your surgery."

"Spencer, just shut up. I have ten minutes left until they make you leave me. Just...lay with me and hold me?"

"Anything." He takes a shaky breath and climbs into bed with me, wrapping me tightly in his embrace.


	33. Chapter 33

**Please review! **

**Chapter Thirty Three**

It's been a week and I'm adjusting. Spencer has only left my sight to use the bathroom, even leaving the door cracked. He's trying so hard to rebuild my trust in him. I DO trust him, but I don't trust his disease. That's exactly what this is too, a disease. I lay curled in his arms, eyes puffy and throat sore. I had a rough night. Cried myself to sleep. But he held me through it all and comforted me, even reminding me to breathe. I woke to the sound of him sobbing. He must have broke down after I fell asleep. I stayed still and just listened as my hair dampened and he clutched me tighter. I haven't been able to shut my eyes since. I've never seen him so distraught. I need to use the bathroom so I slip out of his arms and tiptoe out of the room, leaving the door cracked behind me. Just as I'm finishing up I hear Spencer.

"Ashleigh? Ashleigh?! Fuck!" He jumps out of bed and I hurry back through the door.

"Calm down, Spence. I was just in the bathroom."

"You scared me."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"What's on your mind?"

"What makes you ask that?"

"You're chewing on your cheek. That's your tell."

"Oh..."

"Tell me."

"I...I still want a baby."

"After everything you've been through?"

"Yes."

"You could die."

"I'm willing to take that chance."

"It's too soon."

"I've read that you can start trying as early as two weeks."

"We are absolutely not trying again until we find you a good doctor."

"But Spenc-"

"No." He holds his hand up. "I'm not willing to take that risk."

"I thought you wanted kids?"

"I do! I do! I just want to be as safe as possible. I'm not saying no. I'm saying yes. All I ask is that we find a good doctor that you like. One that specializes in high risk pregnancies."

"Okay. That's fair."

"And I'm personally taking you to that follow up tomorrow."

"Why?"

"Because I need to make sure you're okay. Come. Let's get you fed."

"Okay."

...

We decided to go out for breakfast and I am not feeling it at all. Spencer senses this and has me sit on the inside of the booth, shielding me from the rest of the room. He squeezes my knee reassuringly and kisses me behind my ear.

"You're beautiful."

"Look at me, Spencer." It's true, I'm wearing leggings with one of his hoodies and a pair of sneakers. My hair is hastily thrown up and sticking up all over the place. I look like shit to be honest.

"Why are you doing this, Spencer?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why are you trying so hard to act like everything is okay and normal? I know that you're miserable. You don't have to pretend with me."

"Honestly, I'm too consumed with guilt and self loathing to even think about taking dilaudid again. I know that you'll leave and never come back."

"I never said that."

"No, you didn't. But I wouldn't blame you."

"Spencer-" I am cut off by a young waitress. Bleach blonde and face full of makeup. She could be a model. And she's flirting with Spencer. Heavily. He couldn't be less interested, politely shutting her down. She puts a hand on his shoulder.

"So what would you like sweetie?"

"Southwestern omelette please. Hash browns. Ashleigh?" His tone is clipped. He's trying to get rid of her.

"Ham and cheese omelette with hash browns please. And can we get some orange juice? We haven't been out of bed for a couple of days so we're both feeling kinda wimpy. Exhausted even. Right, honey?" I pointedly wrap myself around his upper arm and look at him through my eyelashes as she walks away. He gives me a mischievous grin.

"Calm down there, tiger."

"Nobody touches my man." I kiss his cheek.

"Noted," he chuckles as she returns with our juice.

...

Spencer is hell bent on getting me out of the house today. We take a detour before walking home and we end up walking through the park. I am sitting on a bench by the pond, feeding ducks and waiting for Spencer to come back from the restroom. He appears out of nowhere with an arm behind his back, startling me. He holds out a beautiful bouquet of peonies. My favorite.

"Oh, Spencer. They're beautiful."

"Just like you." He beams and leans over, kissing my forehead.


	34. Chapter 34

Thank you for lolyncut for reviewing! And don't worry! Even though I LOVE him to death I'm not going to just let Spencer off that easy! Please review!

Chapter Thirty Four

I wake up to an empty bed. Spencer is moving around the room, throwing things into his go bag.

"Do you have a case?"

"No...I'm checking in today. I thought about what you said last night. When you were asking how I can try to rehabilitate you when I refuse to get help. That's what I'm doing."

"I thought you couldn't get into the same program now?"

"Hotch pulled some strings. Are you sure you will be okay without me?"

"I'll manage. We can talk once a day right?"

"About that. I can call out once a day. But Hotch explained that we have a delicate situation. So if at ANY time you need me, you can call the facility and they will bring me into an office to talk to you. Remember we get weekly face to face visits too."

"I'm going to miss you," I tear up.

"I'm going to miss you too. But we both need to be strong. I need to kick this once and for all. So I can be the father that our future children deserve."

"Want me to drive you in?"

"Please."

...

I get home and decide to clean for the first time in almost a month. I spend the next three days obsessively cleaning the apartment in between phone calls from Spencer. I even go as far as washing the walls and baseboards. On day four, Penelope shows up. She brings me food, toiletries, and Jack.

"Aaron promised Spencer that we would look after you. That everyone would."

"Thank you both. You are the sweetest." The visit doesn't last long and I sink back against the door, exhausted.

...

Visitation day is finally here and I walk through the doors to find Spencer waiting at a table by a window. I sit across from him, squeezing his hand. There's a note which I take discreetly and shove into my pocket. He is holding back tears as he grips my hand tightly in his.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better."

"The cramping?"

"It's gotten a lot better. It's still there, but it's almost more bearable."

"Good. I'm glad."

"How are you doing?"

"Every night and day is a living hell, but I deserve it. Promise me something?"

"Anything."

"No matter what I say, do not let them release me until it's time. Please. I need to get better. For you."

"I promise."

"Ashleigh, I know that I don't say it enough; but I love you more than life itself."

"I love you too," I start to tear up and he reaches across the table, brushing my eye with his thumb.

"Seriously, are you okay?"

"I'm coping."

"If you ever need me, all you have to do is call."

"I will," I choke up and look around the room to see if anyone is watching. Thankfully, nobody is. We talk about his recovery and, as he's rambling, I look him over. His face looks sunken in, he's got deep dark circles around his eyes which are dull and tired. All I want to do is take him out of this place but I know it's for the best. Eventually, one of the staff members comes and tells us we have five minutes left. Spencer holds my hand and walks me to the door. He gives me a quick chaste kiss and a hug, lingering to whisper into my hair.

"Be strong. Be safe."

"You too," I whimper into his chest, holding back tears.

"I love you so much," his voice cracks on the last word and he kisses the top of my head.

"I love you too."

We break out embrace and sniffle before giving an awkward laugh simultaneously.

"I'll call you after dinner."

"I'll be waiting." I take another glance at him before walking out the door.


	35. Chapter 35

**Okay guys I need to get something off of my chest. The past couple of weeks I have been battling a serious bout of anxiety and depression. Writing this story has given me the chance to safely express those feelings through Spencer and Ashleigh. That being said, I want to apologize for allowing it to get this dark. I am starting the process now of healing them and bringing them out of the darkness, rebuilding trust, etc. **

**I just thought I needed something to show you guys that Spencer is still in there and fighting to get back to himself, just as I am. I hope this chapter shows you guys that! Please review! **

**Chapter Thirty Five**

When I walk through the door I go straight to the closet and pull out one of his shirts for the first time in a week. It's one that he wore for a couple of hours and hung back up. I wrap it around myself like a safety net and when I go to take my jeans off, his note falls out. I had almost forgotten it. It's not a note at all. It's a small envelope that's been rolled up to fit in your hand without being seen. I unroll it and find my name scrawled across the front in his handwriting. I take a deep breath and curl up on the couch before opening it.

_Ashleigh,_

_Part of the process is acknowledging my own wrongdoings and making amends with those that I've hurt. I realize that I need to start with you. I have damaged our relationship and broken the trust you have in me, for that I am sorry. I beg for your forgiveness. I know that it won't happen overnight, but I hope and pray with every fiber of my being that you will be mine again. All mine. _

_I think back as the drugs leave my system and I am disgusted in myself. My actions are inexcusable. I swear to you that I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you. I want to thank you for being my rock, my shoulder, my God given solace. You are the most amazing woman in the world. You are kind, loyal, and way more compassionate than I deserve. I know now how bad I've fucked up. I know that you don't have to give me another chance. But I'm begging you. Please don't give up on me. I want to be with you for the rest of our lives. I want to have children with you. I want to buy a house with you. I want to create a life together. I want you to check me, double check me for honesty. I swear I haven't not taken so much as a Tylenol. And I won't. I will never take any type of pain medication whatsoever if I can get you back. I know you never ended it to the first place, but I can feel you drifting and pulling away from me. Part of the reason I went away was to give you some space. I know you need it. But please don't shut me out. You are the love of my life and There isn't a doubt in my mind that I would die without you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. Please believe me. I know I am rambling. I know I am repetitive. But I just needed to tell you how I feel and apologize. My heart is shattered and I am so remorseful and regret everything I put you through. I love you. I'll call you tonight. I love you. So much. Please never forget that. _

_Love, _

_Spencer _

Tears spill across my cheeks as I hold his letter close to my chest and lay down on the couch, letting my sorrow consume me. It's bittersweet. This letter is MY Spencer. HE wrote it. Which means that he is still in there.


	36. Chapter 36

**Please review! **

**Chapter Thirty Six**

The next three weeks go by pretty quickly. While I've only talked to Spencer on the phone once a day and visited once a week, he has written me at least two letters every single day. I pull into the parking lot after a two hour drive. He's finally coming home today. I go inside to help him carry his things out and he's already waiting in the lobby.

"Hey honey...ready?"

"Absolutely," he smiles.

As we walk to the car, I scan him. He looks better now than he has in two months. His color has returned, his eyes are clear, his face has healed, and he even looks like he's been working out some. His hair is a little longer too.

"Mind if I drive?"

"I thought you hated driving?"

"I don't hate it. I just don't particularly _enjoy _it," he laughs. "I just figured I'd give you a break. I know you've been driving back and forth for weeks."

"That'd be nice," I smile at him hesitantly, still not fully trusting him. He opens the door for me and I slide in, watching him bound around to the driver's seat and get in, adjusting it to his height.

"How has school been?"

"It's been good I guess."

"Do you like your classes? I know you weren't exactly excited to take that calculus class."

"Ugh it's ridiculous!" I groan and throw my head back dramatically, earning a laugh from him. "I've been busting my ass and I'm barely passing."

"Do you want me to help you?"

"No!" This catches him off guard and he gives me a funny look.

"I'm sorry. I just...my instructor knows you and-"

"You don't want him to think I'm doing the work for you?"

"Exactly. And he knows we're together."

"What makes you say that?"

"He asked me if you were going to guest lecture this semester. Said he hadn't been able to get ahold of you."

"You Have Doctor Burris?"

"No. Doctor Watt."

"Weird. I've only guest lectured for him once."

"Oh...maybe he was confused?"

"I'll give him a call in the morning." His face falls but he fixes it quickly and doesn't elaborate.

"And if you need help, all you have to do is ask."

"I just don't want to get my degree on the back of my live in genius."

"I understand. Just remember it's a standing offer."

"So I know we had tossed around the idea of going out for dinner tonight, but is it okay if we just go home? I have a ton of work to do and I'm exhausted."

"Whatever you want," he gives me a reassuring smile.

"Uh...Spence?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are we going over a hundred?"

"Oh shit! Sorry! I didn't even realize we were going that fast. Your car is a really smooth ride," he laughs. "Not to mention, the most of my driving is on takedowns where the speed limit doesn't even exist."

"You do have a point."

...

When we get home, Spencer heads straight for the bedroom to unpack and I settle on the couch to do homework. After a few minutes he emerges and bends down behind the couch, wrapping an arm around my chest.

"I've got to take a shower. Care to join me?"

"Actually, I really just need to get this work done," I say nonchalantly.

"Oh...okay." He's a bit dejected but doesn't push me.

"I don't know if I ever told you cause I always assumed you knew, but _everything_here is yours to use. Including my desk. You'll hurt your back bent over on the couch like that."

"Thanks Spencer..."

After his shower, we end up getting dinner delivered and decide on a RomCom movie to watch. Spencer respects my boundaries and only holds my hand. Eventually I grow cold and lean against him, taking his hand and pulling his arm up and over my shoulders. I can feel him relax a little and he rubs soft circles on my arm. I rise to go to bed but he doesn't follow so I turn and look at him questioningly.

"I'm not going to try and get you to act like nothing has happened. Until you're ready to invite me back into your bed, I'll take the couch. I don't want to pressure you."

"Thank you for that," I am a little hurt but I hide it and retreat to the bedroom, shutting the door behind me.


	37. Chapter 37

**Thank you to lolyncut for reviewing! Please review! **

**Chapter Thirty Seven**

I am woken by a noise in the living room, Spencer must have left the tv on. I try to roll over and go back to sleep but it gets louder so I go to investigate. I open the bedroom door and see Spencer writing in his sleep on the couch.

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...no...no you can't take her! I won't do it again! No!" He has gone from mumbling to screaming and I run to his side, shaking him. His eyes shoot open and he pulls me against him so tight I can barely even breathe.

"Oh Ashleigh..."

"Spencer what is it?"

"I had a dream that you left."

"I would never leave. No matter what happens. Im in it for the long haul."

"I'm better now."

"I know that."

"I promise I'm better now. I just still have fears."

"I know baby. I know." He lays back down and brings me with him. I curl right into his side and rest my head on his chest, whispering reassurance.

...

I wake up to Spencer tracing my spine. I don't want to move right now. Everything is so peaceful. I am cuddled up close to Spencer, wearing his shirt, head on his chest. He is running one hand up and down my spine. His other hand is holding my arm which is slung across his stomach. Periodically, he kisses my hair and whispers "I love you" into the top of my head. Eventually he lets out a deep sigh.

"Ashleigh...babe?"

"Just a little longer..." I murmur against him.

"You've been awake for an hour and four minutes. We should be getting ready."

"What are you getting ready for?"

"I need to go visit with Doctor Watt. Haven't seen him in a while."

"Oh...is everything okay?" I prop up on my elbows and gaze down at him.

"Yeah...don't worry about it." I sense something strange on his face but I don't press it.

"Oh...okay."

"Tell me about him. Dr. Watt. How does he act towards you?"

"Weird. It's really weird. I don't speak in that class."

"Why's that?"

"Well anytime I get something wrong he pops off with something along the lines of 'guess Dr. Reid has all the brains in the relationship'. Or 'you should really ask your boyfriend to tutor you'. And if I get something _right _then it's 'you wearing a headpiece?'. I always just assumed that it's because he said you were friends and laugh it off, but it's a little disheartening."

He quickly schools his face and leans up to kiss me.

"Want me to cook breakfast while you're getting ready?"

"Actually, could we just grab coffee on the way? I haven't been to the store so there isn't much."

"No coffee?" He feigns horror and I laugh.

"There's tea...but I doubt you want that in the morning."

"Yeah...we can stop for coffee."

...

Spencer is walking me to my first class when I hear a familiar voice behind us.

"Pretty Boy!" We spin around to find Morgan walking hand in hand with Amber.

"Morgan? What are you doing here?"

"Amber spent the night last night but didn't have her car at my place, and I was not about to have her ride the bus across town."

"Well at least you can walk from here," I tease. It's the truth. Her apartment is less than three blocks away.

"So, wanna take a walk? I've got a bit before I have to go in."

"Yeah...I was actually going to call you after I dropped Ashleigh off." Amber and I say our goodbyes and Spencer promises to be here at two to get me and take me to work.

...

Morgan and Reid walk along the sidewalk and talk about his rehab before Spencer brings up the real reason he wanted to talk.

"So, do you remember Dr. Watt?"

"That guy you went to school with? The one we had to look into a few years ago?"

"Yeah..."

"Yeah I remember him. What about it?"

"Ashleigh has him. He approached her the other day and said 'make sure to tell Dr. Reid to give me a call.' She didn't think anything of it and relayed the message."

"Did you tell her what we know about him?"

"No, not yet. I don't want to get her worked up. Last night I kinda did some snooping in her notebooks. Morgan, he's failing her. But everything's right. Her work is a tad bit off and I could show her an easier way to do it. BUT that's not the point. The point is she should at least have a B in his class. Right now she is barely passing."

"That's strange."

"What's even stranger, how does he know we're together?"

"Has he said anything out of turn to her?"

"He's been a total ass. That's why I wanted to talk to you, has Amber noticed anything?"

"Want me to get her?"

"Are they in the same class?"

"Nope. Come on." They get to Ambers lecture hall and knock twice. The instructor comes to open the door. She's an older lady with kind eyes and long gray hair.

"Can I help you?"

"FBI Supervisory Special Agent Morgan, this is Dr. Reid. We're from the BAU and we just have a few questions for one of your students. Amber Cannon?"

"Oh yes, one moment." She leaves the door hanging open and goes to tap Amber on the shoulder. When they are all out into the hallway she is genuinely confused.

"What's going on here, Derek?"

"Don't worry, this will only take five minutes."

"Oh. Okay."

"Have you ever seen Dr. Watt act out of turn toward Ashleigh?"

"I've noticed him staring over the past month or so. And paying extra attention to her. He's asked her to meet him for tutoring but she always says that she has to get home to Spencer. Which is weird because she even says that when you guys are out of town."

"Wait...she doesn't know?"

"No...that's your business."

"What don't I know?"

"Amber, I've been in rehab for the past month. And he's been gawking at my girlfriend."

"Oh fuck..."

"Thanks baby, call me later." Morgan opens the classroom door for her and Reid storms off in a fit of anger toward Dr. Watt's office.


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter Thirty Eight**

Spencer bounds through Dr. Watts door with Morgan on his heels.

"Oh hello, Dr. Reid," the man smiles at him. He's older than Reid, but younger than Morgan.

"Dr. Watt," he seethes. "I'll just cut right to the chase. Leave my girlfriend out of our history."

"Truthfully, I didn't even know she was your girl until I saw the two of you making out. I've been interested much longer."

"Well get uninterested. Unless you want the same thing to happen that happened two years ago."

"Those charges were dropped. I'll sue you for harassment."

"Except the arresting agent back then was Aaron Hotchner. Not me. There's no record of me ever dealing with you. I'm warning you. Stay the fuck away from my girlfriend. Oh and Human Resources is my next stop." He turns on his heel and walks away, leaving the man stunned.

...

Spencer comes into the bookstore just as I'm closing up and starts looking around. He sits down in a chair and starts reading, strategically hiding the cover from me. When I get everything closed up, he takes my hand and leads me to the car. But he's going in the opposite direction.

"Umm, Spence? Where are we going?"

"To the grocery store."

"Oh...why? I can just go tomorrow when I get out of school. It's no big deal."

"Because if I get called away on a case you won't go to the store. There probably hasn't been actual food in the apartment for two weeks."

"Okay. You have a point."

...

Finally, around 10PM we get home. Both of us go about our business and mull around getting ready for tomorrow. Spencer has to go back to work. I'm getting the coffee pot ready for in the morning and setting the timer when I hear the shower turn on and I get an idea. I strip down and slide in behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist and kissing his shoulder.

"Are you really ready?"

"Let's not try to schedule it okay? Can we just...wing it?"

"Of course."

"But just...not tonight okay? I don't think you want to earn your red wings on the first night we make love in two months."

"You're right," he laughs and brings my hand to his lips.

"But I do want us to sleep in our bed tonight. Just sleep?"

"That sounds lovely." He turns around and looks over me, gasping when his gaze reaches my thighs.

"Wha...what happened?" He's referring to the lines across them.

"It's not self harm. I promise. I just...you were dealing with your own demons and I was trying so hard to handle it on my own I just-" I choke up and put my face against his shoulder.

"You just what? What did you do?"

"I snapped a rubber band against my leg...I only did it twice."

"There's Twenty Two marks!"

"Okay maybe I did it repeatedly. Just on two occasions."

"Were you ever going to tell me?"

"I'm so sorry. Are you angry?"

"No im not. I'm terrified. Ashleigh if this escalated to cutting you could have killed yourself unintentionally."

"I know," I whimper. "That's why I did this."

"Ashleigh...I...why?"

"I didn't want to bother you. I wanted you to focus on yourself. And I was filled with such self loathing that...I..."

"Have you talked to anybody about this?"

"Garcia."

"When?"

"Two weeks ago. I haven't done it since."

"You swear?"

"I swear."

"I'm not going to argue with you. Because I know I haven't been the best boyfriend. But PLEASE promise me that you will tell me next time you feel like this?"

"I promise."

"Come on...let's get you to bed."

We are curled up together and he speaks again.

"What made you do that?"

"Dr. Watt."

"What do you mean?"

"He...he tried to touch me."

"When?" He tenses underneath me. Shit.

"Three days after you were admitted. After class."

"Where?"

"He just reached to touch my face and I ran away. And after that he kept asking me to meet him after class and when I refused he started failing me."

"That motherfucker. I'll handle him."

"Spencer..."

"There's history. Listen to me. NEVER allow him to be alone with you. Do you understand?"

"Yes...but why?"

"I went to Yale with him. Never saw him again until a couple years ago. There was a case two years ago...a rapist loose at George Washington University. We ended up bringing Dr. Watt in for questioning. He lawyered up and since he wasn't in any system and had REASON to be spotted in certain places..."

"You couldn't charge him?"

"No. Ended up pinning the blame on a kid but nobody liked him for it. I made a huge fuss about it. He remembered."

"Fuck..."

"I'll take care of it."

"Thank you Spencer."

"Now get some rest. I love you."

"I love you too."


	39. Chapter 39

Thank you to lolyncut for reviewing!

Chapter Thirty Nine

Spencer comes bounding through the door of the bookstore with a huge smile on his face.

"Hey crimefighter! How was New York?" Amber calls from across the store.

"Eh, it wasn't the city," he laughs. "Morgan said he would see you at your apartment later. Had some paperwork to catch up on."

"Thanks!" He gives her a wave and crosses the room to me.

"When do you get off?"

"Half an hour?"

"Want me to wait?"

"No it's fine. Go home and get cleaned up," I give him a peck and he gives me a crooked smile.

"Love you."

"Love you too, Spence. Be home in about an hour."

...

I get home and Spencer is hunched over his desk, hair damp.

"Hey honey, how was the case?"

"First case back after two months off. It was just a little strange."

"Oh?"

"Nothing bad. I feel fine mentally if that's what you're wondering. It's just weird going back after two months and seeing what has changed and such."

"Oh. I get it."

"How was class today? Anything out of the ordinary?"

"Nope. All was fine."

"Good. So um, Penelope wants to take you shopping tomorrow."

"Is that such a good idea?"

"Actually I think it is. Do a little shopping, have some lunch, and then when she drops you back off you're all mine."

"For what?" I giggle as he crosses the room and swoops me off of my feet.

"A surprise. You'll see."

"Spencer Reid, What have you got up your sleeve?"

"You'll see," he grins and carries me to the bedroom, laying me across the bed. He goes over to my side of the dresser and passes me some pajama pants. We curl up together and within minutes I am asleep.

...

I wake before Spencer and prop up on my elbows, gazing down at him. His face is almost harder, jaw slightly more defined. His hair is a couple inches longer too. He's laying under me, bare chested and my gaze shifts down. He's actually bulked up a little. I wouldn't say he's puffed up, but he has put on some muscle. To me, huge protruding muscles aren't very attractive. But this subtle thing he's got going on is. Very much. His eyes flutter open and he catches me staring at him.

"Well good morning to you too," he laughs.

"Sorry," I blush.

"Did you sleep well?"

"I slept better than I have in a long time."

"Good. I love you."

"I love you too."

"What time am I meeting Garcia?"

"She said to have you text her. But she would like to pick you up around nine for brunch."

"Oh...okay."

"What's wrong?" He twirls a strand of my hair around his finger.

"I was kinda hoping she would cancel. I just wanted to spend the day with you."

"Well I need to get your surprise ready. So play along?"

"Fiiine. But it better be good!" I tease and he laughs.


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter Forty**

Penelope and I are shopping around when Spencer calls me.

"Hey Ash, what're you up to?"

"Just shopping around with Garcia. What's up?" I tuck the phone between my ear and shoulder and go back to browsing.

"Just wondering if you're free tonight for dinner." Oh I get it now. He's asking me out on a real date.

"Sure, do I get to know where?"

"Absolutely not."

"Then how will I know what to wear?" I laugh.

"That's what Penelope is for. Gotta go. Love you."

"Love you too."

...

We finally get back home and Garcia is fussing all over me. She did pick out a really pretty dress for me. It stops about my mid thigh I don't think I've ever worn anything like this in my life. Especially around Spencer. I fix my hair and makeup nice, per Garcia's request. As she leaves, Spencer is walking through the door. When he comes back to the bedroom he stops in his tracks.

"Wow...you look so pretty."

"Really? It's not too much?"

"Not at all," he smiles and crosses the room to me, taking me into his arms. Oh, he's wearing my favorite cologne.

As he drives, I realize that we somewhat match. I'm wearing a cream dress that's peppered with muted toned flowers and vines. He is in brown pants and a shirt that perfectly matches the vines on my dress. We have a fun dinner and he seems just like the old Spencer. Just like my old Spencer. The only difference is he seems harder, less trusting of everyone around us. But we're in our own little bubble just like before. He really catches me off guard when we get home and he turns on music, pulling me close to dance with him.

"This is new," I grin and snuggle into his chest.

"I realize that I have been really shitty the past few months. Even before that, I wasn't a normal boyfriend. You've always had to tip toe around me and you've done everything to make me comfortable. I've always tried to be good to you. I've tried really hard."

"Spencer you are a perfect gentleman. You have the manners of a knight."

"While that may be, this is the Twenty first century and while I may have good manners, I don't know how to act like a normal person."

"Sure you do. You've gotten a lot better."

"Listen...there's something I need to ask you."

"What's that?" I peer up at him and he has a nervous look on his face.

"I...I know that right now I am nowhere near good enough for you. But I will get better. I AM getting better. And I just...when the day comes when I can give you what you deserve, will you consider it?"

"Are you asking me for a promise?"

"Yeah..."

"Oh Spencer...I promise. I promise to love you for always." I raise up on my top toes and kiss him.


	41. Chapter 41

**Okay I am really sorry for the short chapter and I'm sorry for taking so long to update. I've been fighting a lot of inner demons here lately so please be patient with me. And please review! **

**Chapter Forty One**

Before I know it, I am backing Spencer up and gently pushing him down onto the couch. He claims my mouth and bites down on my bottom lip, making me gasp. I try to straddle him but he stops me.

"No. Not here." He pulls away breathlessly and runs a hand through my hair.

"What do you mean?"

"Let me take you to bed." His eyes burn into mine as I nod slowly. He scoops me up and takes off to the bedroom, making me giggle. He unceremoniously plops down on the bed with me still in his arms and kisses me feverishly. It doesn't take long before we are both ripping out clothes off and moving as one.

...

Spencer collapses on top of me, his forehead pressed against mine as he regains his breath. I am panting in unison with him and the both of us are grinning from ear to ear.

"First time in two months. I hope you're satisfied." He whispers and nibbles at my lip.

"Very satisfied."

"Good."

"Maybe sometime in the future we can try again for a baby..."

"Are you sure you're ready?"

"I'm getting there." I give him a chaste peck before he rolls off of me and onto his back, bringing me with him so I am now laying sprawled across his chest.

"I want to have a family with you so bad, but don't rush yourself on my account."

"I won't. I promise."

"I love you. So much. More than you will ever know."

"I love you too."

"Tomorrow is Monday."

"Very good," I tease.

"Tomorrow you have Dr. Watt."

"That's right...I had almost forgotten."

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"Spencer you can't guard me 24/7. And besides, how would you explain randomly sitting in a gen ed class with me when you have THREE PhDs?"

"I was just suggesting walking you from class to class. Just until you feel safe. I've got a week before I have to get back to work anyways."

"Okay. But JUST for tomorrow." I smile to myself and pull the covers over my head, slowly kissing and licking down his body.

"What are you doing?"

"You were so worried about my pleasure that I don't remember if you came or not. Far be it from me to deny you the pleasure that you deserve." I grin against him mischievously and tease the top of his member with my tongue, making him draw in a sharp breath.

"Oh...you know you don't...you don't have to."

"I want to." I lick up his entire shaft and take his head in my mouth.

"I need to see you." He throws the blankets off of the bed and caresses the side of my face. I look up at him through my lashes and watch him buck and writhe under me. Taking care not to leave a mess when he finishes. I crawl back up his body and lay my head on his chest.

"You taste so good, Dr. Reid."

"Not as good as you do." He kisses the top of my head.

"I love you."

"I love you too. Sweet dreams."


	42. Chapter 42

**Okay this chapter takes place between S03xE02 and S03xE03. Sorry if the timeline doesn't make sense but I'm trying to get it back on track. Please review. **

**Chapter Forty Two**

I sit on the couch biting my nails. Spencer should be almost home by now. He told me he was going to look for Gideon at a cabin or something and called me about an hour ago saying he couldn't find him and would be home soon. He walks solemnly through the door and plants himself beside me on the couch. Silently he passes the note to me and read it twice, absentmindedly tracing circles on his arm.

"Spencer...are you okay honey?"

"Do I have to answer that right now?"

"Spencer..."

"I'm not going to relapse. If that's what you're about to give me a speech on."

"I never-"

"Just drop it. Okay?" He pushes himself up off the couch and goes to take a shower. I say fuck it. I know he's just lashing out. So I go ahead and curl up in bed. After a while, he walks out of the bathroom completely naked, going to the dresser and slipping on a pair of pajama pants before sliding in bed behind me and wrapping an arm around my stomach.

"I'm sorry," his whisper tickles the back of my neck. "I'm just upset and I took it out on you. The one person who would never abandon me. That was wrong."

"It's okay. And you're right," I turn in his arms to face him. "I would never abandon you, Spencer. Ever. I hope you know that." I wipe a stray tear out from under his eye and he gives me a crooked smile.

"I know," his voice cracks a little and he leans in to kiss me, crushing me against his chest afterward.

"I love you." His voice is crumbling and I can't see his face but I know he's crying.

"I love you too, honey." I snuggle into his chest and stroke his back until his sobs slow and he drifts into a restless sleep. I find myself laying awake and listening to his breathing. After a while, he shifts and now he's laying with his head on my stomach and his arms snakes around me. I idly alternate between scrolling through my phone, simply admiring him, and running a gentle hand through his hair when he stirs. I am still reeling over Gideons note. He didn't even give Spencer a real explanation. Just went on and on feeling sorry for himself. He knew how this would affect Spencer. But he did it anyways. Surely if Spencer can go through what he went through and make it out alive and still return to the BAU, Gideon shouldn't be having a pity party over a bad case. Spencer's Hans teaching up to stroke my face startled me out of my revere.

"What is it?" He cups my face and runs his thumb between my eyebrows and down my nose.

"Nothing honey, go back to sleep." I give him my best attempt at a reassuring smile and smooth the hair on the back of his head.

"Ashleigh...do you want to talk about it?"

"No. No I'm okay."

"I'm a profiler," he sits up in bed and looks at me smugly.

"I just get upset seeing you upset. That's it "

"Just don't cry over me."

"I can't make any promises," I admit before we settle back in.

...

I slip out of bed at sunrise and start mulling around in the kitchen. An hour later, Spencer emerges showered, shaved, and dressed for work. He comes and sits across from me, grinning from ear to ear.

"Good morning, sunshine. What's put you in such a good mood?"

"Watching you dance around the kitchen in my t shirt and that white thong does things to me. You know this." He cocks an eyebrow at me and shoved a forkful of pancake in his mouth. I love that goofy grin.

"Have you talked to your mom lately?"

"No..."

"You should call her."

"I write her a letter everyday," he rolls his eyes at me.

"It's not the same. Please? At least call her once a week? She worries about you," I scold.

"You talk as if she's told you this," he laughs.

"No. Well. Not recently. When I talked to her while you were in rehab she admitted she worries. And the other day they let her call you but you were in the shower. I talked to her. And they let you call her back. Please don't be mad."

"Why would I be mad?" He laughs. "I'm glad the two of you like each other."

"I'm glad that you're glad."

"Let me drive you to school?" He saunters around the island and wraps his arms around me.

"Fall break. Remember?"

"Oh yeah...then drive me to work?" He beans at me.

"Okay yes I'll drive you to work."

...

When I get back home, I decide to get a jumpstart on some homework. Im finishing up and getting ready to start cooking dinner when Spencer calls me.

"Hey sweetie umm, would you want to go out for drinks tonight? If you don't feel up to it that's fine I'll come home."

"No no. It's fine. I'll pick you up. Five?"

"Yep. Five is good. Oh and-"

"Yes, tell Morgan we can give him a ride home after."

"Thanks babe, you're the best."


	43. Chapter 43

Y'all. Please review.

Chapter Forty Three

I'm sitting in a booth laughing with Emily when Spencer comes out of nowhere and scrambles in beside me. Oh my. He's staggering and smells like vodka. This should be fun.

"There you are...I've been looking for you everywhere babe," he plants a wet kiss on my cheek and I giggle, wiping his spit away.

"Wow, Reid. I don't think I've ever seen you drink."

"I don't drink," he slurs and giggles before not-so-quietly whispering in my ear. "I think she knowwwwsssss!"

"I think she does too," I laugh and he wraps his arms tighter around me, leaning down and smelling my neck.

"Oh my I love that smell."

"Spencer honey, we're in a crowded bar..."

"So?..."

"Get a room!" Morgan slinks over and slides in across from us, laughing.

"That can be arranged. Too bad we can't leave till you're ready," Spencer counters.

"You good, Ashleigh?" Morgan raises an eyebrow at me and I nod.

"Good!" Spence has already turned his attention away from Morgan and back to me.

"You know you're the most beautiful girl in the world right?"

"You tell me a bunch," I smile.

"Because you are!"

"Is he always like this when he drinks?" Emily cocks an eyebrow at me and Hotch laughs.

"This is only the what? Fourth? Time you've been out with everyone since you two started dating?"

"Yeah. And this is only the second time he's ever been drunk with me. But to answer your question, Emily, yes. He's like this every time."

"If you wanna take him home, I'll give Morgan a ride," Hotch motions at Spencer who is halfway asleep, laying against my shoulder and giving me lazy kisses on the neck.

"Yeah. That may be a good idea."

"Do you need help getting him to the car?"

"Ummm. Maybe. Let me try it." I shift and make him sit up.

"Spencer...it's time to go home okay?"

"Okay...I wanna take a shower." He moves his hands and starts unbuttoning his shirt but I stop him.

"No babe, not here." He gives me a confused look and then looks around the bar.

"Oh...they don't have a shower here?," he frowns at me.

"No, Spence. No shower here. Come on let's go." He groans as I nudge him out of the booth.

"Okay honey. Come on. Get up." He slides out and I get my arm around him, have him drape an arm over my shoulders and pull him toward the door. I manage to get him to the car without incident. As were driving down the road he unbuckles and lays his head in my lap, stroking my stomach.

"I can't wait to see you pregnant," he coos.

"Spencer!"

"It's the truth! I want all of you! Every bit of it."

"Babe..."

"Because you won't leave me will you? Promise you won't? Everyone else does." I expect him to cry but instead he just tenses, his head still on my lap. But his grip on my knees tightens. As if he's trying to shield me.

"Honey you're a little emotional right now."

"Yeah you're right I'm emotional."

"Let just get home okay? We can talk about it when we get home. I'll make you some tea and you can have a nice shower."

"There you go being all motherly again. You know, I love my mom. I really do. But you take care of me more than anyone ever has." He kisses just above my knee and sits up, gripping my hand. My heart breaks for him. As soon as we get home, he sits on one of the barstools in the kitchen and I take that as a sign to make him some tea. A shower can wait. Even though he reeks of alcohol right now. I put his cup in front of him and lean across the counter to look him in the eye.

"Why don't you tell me what exactly has you so shaken up about Gideon leaving? Like what makes you so afraid? And why would you compare him to your father? I know nothing about your dad but just from what I've pieced together him and Gideon are nothing alike."

"They both left me a fucking letter full of fucking excuses didn't they?!" He snaps, his voice rising to a yell.

"Spencer! It's two in the morning!"

"I'm sorry...I don't know what came over me. Ashleigh I don't drink."

"I know you don't." I look at him and see a broken adolescent, that's when I soften and reach for his hand. "Sweetheart, I know it hurts right now and you think the pain will never go away. But I'm still here. And I promise that I won't leave."

"He could have told me to my face," he looks down at our fingers laced together on the counter and sniffles.

"Maybe he couldn't."

"But why?" His eyes meet mine and he blinks, silent tears leaking from them.

"Maybe he was afraid. Of letting YOU down. Of breaking YOUR heart. Maybe he was afraid of disappointing YOU. He wrote that letter to you."

"He stared down psychopaths for a living. And he couldn't look me in the eye and tell me he was leaving?" I sigh and stroke the back of his hand with my thumb. I won't get anywhere with him tonight. He's not thinking clearly and there's no reasoning with him.

"How many drinks did you have?"

"I think I had three of those orange drinks? You know what I'm talking about?"

"Screwdrivers? I thought I saw you sipping on White Russians?"

"Yeah that was just at the table. When I hustled Morgan at pool I tried Garcia's drink and it was pretty good. So I got three."

"Spencer!" Fuck. He had two White Russians and three screwdrivers. And he never drinks. Before this is all said and done we will end up on the bathroom floor with me holding his hair.

"Can't we just go sit on the couch?"

"Are you dizzy?" I hurry around the counter and he wraps his arms around me.

"No...I just want to lay on the couch and watch a movie with you and shut out the world."

"That can be arranged..." I give him a swift kiss on the cheek and lead him over to the couch, curling up beside him. He's quiet for about twenty minutes, getting interested in an old sci fi movie.

"Hey...baby? Are you awake?"

"Yeah...what's up, Spence?"

"Can we talk about something?"

"Sure. Anything."

"Do you think I'll be able to break the cycle? Like do you think one day I'll be a good dad? Or will I just abandon my kid like my dad did?"

"No. I think you will be the most loving and doting father the world had ever seen." His chest falls and rises sharply as he gives a breathy laugh.

"My dad loves me too. Until he decided he was done."

"You won't do that. I know you won't."

"You have so much faith in me."

"I always will."

...

Spencer almost knocks me off the couch when he jumps up with his hand over his mouth and I take off right behind him, running to the bathroom. Yep. I knew he'd end up throwing up everywhere. I glance through the door at the clock beside our bed while I pull his hair back and rub between his shoulders. We were only asleep for an hour.

"I'm sorry," he chokes.

"It's okay babe, we've all been here." I get him a cold rag for the back of his neck and he sits in front of me on the sink while I wipe his face off.

"I know you're feeling like shit but we need to get you in the shower babe..."

"Only if you get in with me," he tried his best to give me a sexy face. Bless his heart. I kiss his cheek and hand him his toothbrush. He goes to brushing his teeth while I get the shower ready. Spencer kneels in front of me and closes his eyes while I massage his scalp. He leans his forehead against my stomach and I can tell he's doing his best to relax.

"We just need to get you sobered up." I rinse his hair out and go ahead and wash his shoulders while he's in front of me before making him stand back up. Once I'm satisfied he smirks like a petulant teenager and snakes his arms around me, tightening his grip on me. I relax against his chest and smile. All the sudden he pinches my ass and I yelp, jumping back and swatting his hand.

"Spencer!" I can't help but laugh. Especially seeing the goofy grin on his face.

"What? You gotta remember how much taller I am. When you're pressed up against me like that and I look down? Booty central."

"Booty central?" I shriek and burst into another laughing fit, leaning against the wall and clutching my sides.

"Okay now I know for SURE you are off your ass."

"Sounds better when Morgan says it," He relents. "But I really can't help myself. You're always waving your ass around in my face!"

"Oh I am?"

"Oh yes you are! You remember the other morning? That little stunt you pulled with my shirt and that thong?"

"Okay well..."

"And your little sneaky ass says I'M insatiable? You're the one always putting it right in front of me."

"I mean..."

"And honestly, that's the sexiest fucking thing anyone has ever done." He leans his forehead against mine and nips at my bottom lip. Huh? Weren't we fighting? Was that a fight? Was he joking? I'm so confused.

"Spencer lets get you to bed."

"Ugh, fineeee," he whines, making me giggle.

"Okay, come on big guy."


	44. Chapter 44

**Reviews give me life. Also, I wanna touch on something. I apologize for the previous chapter. I wasn't even thinking about the timing. I wanted to have a funny chapter but I can see where the timing is bad. And I'm sorry for that. This chapter will take place before/after S03E03 and BEFORE S03E04. **

**Chapter Forty Four**

We've been laying in bed awake for the past twenty minutes. Neither one of us daring to look at each other and admit were awake. Spencer sighs and trails his fingers up and down my back again.

"Ash?"

"Hmm..."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Hmm..." I breathe in his scent one last time before I have to face reality and venture out of our bubble.

"How upset are you? About last night?"

"Umm, depends on what we're talking about. So much happened last night."

"So your mad about something?"

"Not mad. Afraid would be a better word."

"Afraid? Of me?"

"No! No no no honey not at all. It's just that one night of fun is fine. But then I was laying awake and I remembered that yeah you do have an addictive personality and-"

"Say no more. We won't go out anymore."

"No Spencer, don't be like that."

"If you think for a minute that I'm going to relapse, then I need to change how we live our lives."

"Spencer-"

"No. I want to be someone you can be proud of and rely on. I don't want to scare you in any way. Please, you have to believe that."

"I do. Maybe we should just stop going to the bars. Because You're normally the one cleaning me up and putting me to bed. This time is was just the other way around. I mean if we truly want to start trying for a baby then we both need to grow up a little. But I don't see any reason why we have to stop going to dinner and other stuff. We just need to stay away from the bars."

"Yeah we really do."

"Enough about me. How are you feeling?"

"Absolutely terrible. I feel so sick. But it's better than I deserve."

"Come on babe. Let's get you perked up. I think I hear your phone ringing. It's on the kitchen counter."

"Shit."

...

Spencer comes dragging through the door at midnight and I get up from the couch to greet him with a kiss. He embraces me and kisses the top of my head. This is our normal ritual after a case. He just hugs me. Doesn't say anything.

"Hey crime fighter, how was Portland?"

"Portland was Portland," he shrugs.

"Not the same without Gideon."

"No. Not at all. I don't wanna talk about it. I just wanna focus on you..." he pulls back and brushes my hair out of my face, running two fingers down my cheek.

"Me?"

"Yes, you. Are you ready for bed? I mean to sleep."

"Yes. I was waiting for you actually."

"I told you not to wait up on my account. Come on, hard head." Instead of pulling me against him when we lay down, he curls around me and lays his head on my chest.

"What's going on with you?" I idly play with his hair and he just takes a deep breath.

"You're just my safe zone. No matter what's going on in the world or in our lives, there's always the assurance that I am always coming home to you. And I can always just curl up with you and forget the world. Even if it's only for a few minutes."

"I'm glad I can give you some solace. I worry about you. Every second you're gone."

"I know...I'm sorry. Do you think this job will become too much for you?"

"Why would you say that?"

"It's not so bad now. I mean yeah you're lonely and you worry. But I mean after we have kids."

"Spencer..."

"What if it becomes too much for you? What if you get tired of waiting here alone with a baby for me to come home?"

"I won't."

"But how do you know that?" He raises up and looks down at me intently.

"I just do. Where is this coming from anyways?"

"Haley left Hotch. I don't know when but I know it was recently."

"That's a little different Spencer. When they got married he wasn't even in the FBI. She had no idea he would even end up with the job he has. You've been in the BAU since before I met you. From day one I've known exactly what your schedule is like. If it bothered me don't you think I would have said something before now?"

"Well yeah I guess but-"

"No buts," I put a finger to his lips. "I love you. Get that through your thick skull already."

"I love you too. Come here. Let me show you."

...

The sun is starting to set as I pull into the BAU, everyone is going out for Chinese. Spencer wasn't really excited about it, so I've worn his favorite outfit (a simple olive green dress that hits a few inches above my knees and beige cardigan) and planned a surprise for him when we get home. He gets in the car and gives me a swift kiss.

"Hey, baby. How was your day?"

"Eh. It was the bookstore, not quite as exciting as the FBI," I laugh and he takes my hand, kissing my knuckles as I pull out of the parking lot.

"I love that dress. Can't wait to take it off of you later."

"If I let you," I wink.

"Of course."

"So how was your day?"

"Pretty uneventful. Did a few consults as a team and got about half of the stack on my desk weeded down."

"Oh that's good. So are all those case files different? I've always wondered but I've never had the stomach to ask."

"Yeah," He tenses for a split second. "There's a lot of sick people in the world." Oh. I run my thumb over the back of his hand.

"We don't have to talk about it anymore."

"Good." He rests his hand on my knee and draws small circles with his finger.

"You look really pretty today."

"Thank you," I smile.

"How was class today? And work?"

"Eh. It was okay. Dr. Watt was being a raging bitch today."

"Want me to go talk to him?"

"No honey, you can't fight my battles for me."

"I want to though," he sounds almost childlike.

"I know, and if I need help I know who to come to."

"I don't care if it's right in the middle of class. Ashleigh if he ever makes you feel uncomfortable enough to call me. Then leave immediately and call me. I'll be there in 30 minutes."

"You can't drive from Quantico to DC in thirty minutes," I roll my eyes.

"No but Morgan can." Oh shit. He's right. I make several attempts to drop the conversation but he always circles back. I sigh when we finally get to the restaurant and put the car in park, turning to face him.

"Please, Spencer. Just drop it, okay? I don't need a safety lecture. I can handle myself I promise. I know how to get away if I'm ever cornered."

"Okay, Okay. I'll behave."

"Good." I lean in and try to give him a quick kiss but he grips the back of my neck and kisses me harder.

"So...if I'm good do I get to take that dress off when we get home?" He raises his eyebrows at me and moves his feee hand up my leg a little before I swat it away.

"Aht. Be good. Worry about home when we get home," I tease.

"Oh we're gonna okay that game." He nips at my bottom lip and kisses me again, running his tongue along my bottom lip, knotting his fingers in my hair and trailing his free hand softly up my side. He smiles against my lips and pushes my sweater off my shoulders, it catches at my elbows but I leave it alone. A pounding on the window startles us and I jump back away from him to see Emily and Rossi standing outside of Spencer's window. When I turn around I find Morgan and Hotch outside of mine grinning from ear to ear. Garcia is starting in front of the car giggling. I quickly get out of the car, straightening my hair and pulling my sweater back onto my shoulders. I catch Spencer out of the corner of my eye straightening himself up too, with an embarrassed yet slightly smug look on his face.

"Now we know why he runs out the door every day," Rossi winks.

"And why she picks him up so often," Hotch chimes in.

"Hey you guys remember that movie star from a couple of years ago? No wonder Spence didn't want anything to do with her," J.J. laughs and Spencer blushes.

"Alright if everyone's done, I thought we were supposed to be eating?"

"Hey now, lover, we were all ready to eat. But we saw you two across the parking lot and couldn't resists." When we finally get in and sit down, I go to the bathroom with Garcia and Emily. The moment we are out of their sight they start questioning me.

"I've known Reid for almost five years and I never knew he had that side to him," Garcia laughs.

"Well, you never know about people. He's not all the time. Some days we go all day without laying a hand on each other. Other days, I do good to make it out of the bedroom," I shrug.

"You're kidding?"

"Nope not kidding! One time we barricaded ourselves in the apartment and spent an entire weekend stark naked. His idea. Now that was fun."

"Wow..."

"Don't tease him okay? He's really private."

"No. Of course not."

When we get back to the table everything is pretty uneventful. Except for the case they're discussing right now. I guess it's one of Morgan's consults and it's a nasty one. I try really hard not to hear it. Spencer gets up to go to the bathroom and when he's out of sight Morgan leans across Penelope to whisper to me.

"Reid told me about Dr. Watt. And Amber told me what really happened today. I respected your privacy by not telling him but you really should."

"I just don't want him to worry."

"Just find a good time and sit him down."

"But what if he's mad that I didn't tell him the truth in the first place?"

"It'll come out eventually. Be better if he heard it from you."

"Thanks." I see Spencer coking back and quickly cut him off. Spencer holds my hand under the table throughout the rest of dinner, giving it a reassuring squeeze anytime something extra icky is said. How can they talk about disembowelment and eat at the same time? I'll never understand it. After dinner, Spencer insists on driving. The only problem is he's driving like a maniac. Granted he almost always drives like he's in pursuit of someone.

"Where's the fire, babe?"

"Oh don't even start that," he smirks. "You wore my favorite dress, curled your hair, AND used that shampoo that smells like absolute heaven? I've wanted to take you since the moment I got in the car and you damn well know it."

"Okay okay you caught me. But I have a surprise for you and you can't ruin it."

"A surprise?"

"Yes. A surprise. So don't spoil it by getting impatient." I reach over and barely touch him, he's already getting hard. I knew it.

"Look at you. Ready before we even get home."

"Why do you think I kept going to the bathroom, had to keep adjusting myself. I've been this way on and off since you picked me up. You know exactly what you're doing."

"You're right on the mark babe," I kiss his cheek and settle back into my seat. Tonight is going to be fun.


	45. Chapter 45

**Is anyone still interested in this story? LMK and leave me a review so I'll know wether or not to continue with it! **

**Chapter Forty Five**

Spencer collapses back against the pillows and groans, panting and sweat pouring off of him. I sat back on my knees and took a few steadying breaths. Satisfied in my little surprise.

"Pl-please...Ashleigh. Please."

"Please what."

"Please I need to cum...," he gasped as I moved again, this time agonizingly slow. I'd managed to bring him right to the edge, over and over, for the past two hours. Never letting him find his release.

"Hmm...I'll have to think about that one," I put my index finger to my chin and grin mischievously down at him.

"I'll do whatever you want...anything."

"Anything?"

"Yess," he hissed. "Anything.

"Hmm...okay then,"

...

I wake to an empty bed and the smell of pancakes and coffee. I wander into the kitchen and find Spencer, perched on a barstool, reading the paper and drinking what's probably his fifth cup of coffee already. The oven keeping our breakfast warm.

"Good morning," I chirp and kiss his cheek before reaching for my own coffee that sits in front of the second stool, made exactly how I like it too.

"How'd you sleep?" He peers are me.

"Like the dead...who knew being on top for three hours would be so exhausting."

"Three hours, forty two minutes and thirty seven seconds," he muttered.

"Are you saying you didn't enjoy it?," I frown.

"No no no! Just saying that it was...a test of endurance. One that I almost failed," he frowned.

"Don't be silly. You passed with flying colors," I wink.

"Here...let me get your plate," he pushes back from the island and puts himself to work.

"You are being so...sweet today," I take my plate from him.

"Yeah well...you were so sweet...and generous...last night that. Well. Just let me take care of you okay?"

"Fine fine," I throw my hands up in defeat. "I'm actually glad you're in a good mood because...we need to talk about something.."

"What's that?," he inquired and leaned over the counter across from me.

"I uh...didn't tell you everything about yesterday. Dr. Watt..."

"Did he touch you?," Spencer closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Yes," I whisper and my skin began to crawl. I'd thought making love to Spencer would made me feel better...but it didn't.

"I'll kill him."

"No, Spencer! No. I do want you to come with me to school today though...I'll need to go to Human Resources or something. I don't wanna go alone," I felt my lip quiver and he quickly rounded the island to take me in his arms.

"I'll be there with you...shh...it's alright. Don't worry."

"But what if he tries to say nothing happened? They'll believe him over me."

"No they won't. I'll make sure this doesn't get swept under the rug...promise." He smoothed the back of my hair and pulled away, looking down at me.

"Okay...so when should we do this? I'm not sure when the office even opens..."

"Just skip your first class. We'll go at the normal time."

"But that'll make you late for work."

"I'll text Hotch and let him know I'll be late. I might have to explain when I get there though."

"That's fine. I'm fine with them knowing."

"How far did he get?,"

"He just groped me...and I punched him as hard as I could in the groin and ran away as fast as I could. Just like you told me."

"Good...I need to get you a gun," he absentmindedly wandered over to his little safe under his desk.

"Here," he handed me a little gun, only the size of my palm. "This will do for now. Be careful with that and don't lose it. It's very easy to lose."

"Where did you get this?"

"Bought it off Rossi. He was showing off all his guns one day and I thought it was just the coolest little thing I'd ever seen. He was happy to part with it, as he'd really only bought it as a novelty and never even shot it. It'll shoot though don't worry. Morgan and I of course had to test shoot it before I bought it."

"Oh..."

"You'd better get changed."

"Yeah," I murmured and pushed myself up off the stool.


End file.
